Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

I'm a little late on commenting on President Barack Obama's Nobel Peace Prize win, but I'll add my two cents to the continuing conversation... Yay for him! We've been under the cloud of a war-mongering president for eight years, and it's nice for the president of the United States of America to be recognized for peace. Anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming...

I was listening to Lauryn Hill's Ex-Factor , and I was struck by was the poignancy of the lyrics: It could all be so simple, But you'd rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle, And we both end up with scars. I started thinking about the scars we carry from relationships. My girlfriends and I have had our hearts broken, but we still try again. I've always thought we're just resilient that way. Meanwhile, the guys that get their hearts broken usually seem to live by the adage, "The best way to get over an old love is to get under a new one." As I listened to the urgency in Lauryn's delivery and reflected on the ultimate destruction of her career -- thanks to her alleged relationship with Wyclef -- I had to revisit my original thoughts. I've had my share of heartaches, but I haven't been destroyed. The closest I've come was with the ex in New York . However, I'm giving more to Mr. Wonderful than I've ever given, and my heart is a l...

Here's what's going through my mind... I can't do this anymore. I can't live out of bags, and I can't be a burden to anyone. All I want to do is be myself again. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that here in California. This is the one place I hate. Even though the weather is great, I hate every other thing about this place. I don't like how I've had to live here. My nails are raggedy. My hair is horrid. My weight is out of control. And my heart is heavy. I've never felt so low, so completely out of control and out of sync with what I know to be good and true in all my life. I wish there was someone to blame, but I don't know who that person could possibly be. I didn't have a full-time job before Granny died, but now it's just getting ridiculous... And then, I get hungry. And as I look for something to eat, Mr. Wonderful says, "I was just about to pop you some popcorn." I love you works for some girls, but the wa...

It's when things aren't going well that I miss her the most. It's these times when I'd like to climb up in bed next to her and cry on her shoulder. I wanna tell her how much my heart hurts, but I can't. She's gone, and I'm left to my own devices. At this point, I'm tired. I wanna go home, but there's no home to go to. If I leave California and go to Texas, I won't have a job. If I go to New York, I won't have a place to live. In addition, I won't have enough money to make it. So I'm stuck here on the West Coast -- my very own sunny version of Hell. Now here's the funny part. Just writing those feelings down, seeing them on paper, makes me feel better. I know things could be worse. One of my good friends is sleeping in her car. Her stuff is in storage, and she's been making her Honda her home. I'm blessed that I have Mr. Wonderful, but I'm not convinced that this is the best thing for me. It's one thing to be alone...

I hate being level-headed. You know how people love to say, "Let cooler heads prevail?" I'm usually that one. Before I blow up and lose my cool, I try to look at a situation from all angles. After all, most people aren't trying to intentionally hurt you, right? So I'm the one who analyzes a situation to death before burying my anger. And every time I do it, a part of me dies. I do it with my mom, my brother, and now that it's time to do it for Mr. Wonderful, I'm tired. Let me explain... Mr. Wonderful is going through a lot right now. In addition to be almost out of work, he's lost his dad this month. Now his daughter is getting ready to make him a grandfather. We all know that any one of those situations has the power to make a grown man cry, and all of them together can be devastating. Trust me, I get that. However, I have needs that must be attended to. While he's going through this stuff, his physical interest in me hasn't been w...

I have tried not to comment on what I've seen happening to our country's health care debate. I've sat by and watched our Republican brothers and sisters treat our president like he's a homie in the 'hood with their disrespect. I have done all I can do to not weigh in, but the time has come when I can no longer stay silent. No matter how you feel about President Obama's plan to reform health care, it's no question that reform is needed. I don't have health care because the company I work for doesn't offer it to its part-time employees. I'm thankful that I'm fairly healthy. If I weren't, I'd be in trouble. I know a guy who can't get insurance because the transplants he had to cure his diabetes put in the pre-existing condition category. He recently had to sell some of his property to have a procedure done on his foot. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. I don't understand why it's such a big deal to have a government...

My grandmother used to tell us that if there was rain on the day of your burial, it meant that the deceased wasn't a righteous person. As I watch the funeral mass of Senator Edward M. Kennedy, who succumbed to brain cancer earlier this week, I'm struck by that fact. Since I cannot claim to be a political person by nature, I'm not extremely familiar with the particulars of Teddy's career. However, I know that he's been instrumental in much of the legislation that affords me the opportunity to live the way I want to. Most importantly, I recognize his passing as the ending of an era in American politics. What has struck me most about the life and times of Senator Kennedy was no matter how privileged he was, he never forgot about the least of us. He and his family lived, breathed, and in many cases died, in public service. He wanted all of us to have equal access to everything this great nation has to offer. I'm also moved by the great tragedies that this family has...