Skip to main content

Moving On...

Well, I'm happy to report that we will be having Granny's funeral at her church, and we WON'T be paying the fee. My uncle called on a cousin of mine to preach the funeral, and he happened to be friends with the new pastor of our church. After the two of them had a conversation, everything was on-point. Not only will we not pay the fee, my cousin will stay over and preach at the church that Sunday morning. I'm so glad it worked out.

Now it's just a matter of getting through the other formalities -- like the service. One of my grandmother's favorites has agreed to sing, and I'm thinking about asking some of my good friends to perform, too. My mom asked me if I would sing, but I don't think I can handle it. Even though I'm sure Granny would love it -- she never got a chance to hear me sing in public -- I have a feeling that the emotion of the day won't allow me to do it. I'm not gonna plan on it, but I won't rule it out, either.

This is so new to me -- this grieving thing. I guess I should be thankful that I haven't had to experience a lot of tragedy -- and I am -- but I'm not really sure how to handle this new state of affairs. I find myself crying at all kinds of times, and I'm never really sure what'll set me off. I was listening to Marvin Gaye on the way to work, and I almost lost my mind as I drove. It was so bad that I had to hold my head in my hands at every stoplight. By the time I got to the job, I felt like I had been rode hard and put up wet. (Don't even try to understand that statement. One of the many things I got from Granny was her sayings, and trust, I have a million of 'em.)

At this point, I can only take this thing one day at a time. Stay tuned...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more