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This is still hard. Even though I'm doing my best to move on, I see that my situation is fragile.

I don't know why I thought losing you would be easy. I guess in my mind, I didn't realize how much I missed seeing your face. And I didn't realize how much you meant to me. Now that I won't be able to giggle with you again, your true significance is settling in.

When I started working for you, I was still trying to navigate a new normal in a new city. You were a friend to me when I didn't have any...and you were sweet to me. Not in the romantic sense, though. Even though I had a massive crush on you, I knew we'd never be like that. Instead, you helped me navigate that first year.

I'll never forget how you made the kids say wish me a happy birthday in rap session. You knew I was having a hard time being away from my family, and you did your part to make my day special. And I guess that's what it is...the small ways you made a difference.

Did we always agree? Absolutely not. The one thing I regret: I never got to make it right with you after The Incident. Yes, I apologized for my part in it. But I never got to look into your eyes to see if you still loved me. Even though it hurt me, I just thought I'd have forever to make amends.

So yes, this won't be easy...

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