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Yeah...It's Like This

It's been a minute since we've talked. I can honestly say that I'm flummoxed. Let me catch you up...

After a brief fling with a Bulgarian (which was kinda fun), he ghosted me. I don't know that I blame him after our one hotel stay when the black gel I use to cover up my gray edges rubbed off on the sheets. It was truly my Rudy Guiliani moment.

I'm currently matriculating with a man I met at a bar/bookstore here in Dallas. I call him Barnes & Noble and I like him. However, he claims to be too wounded to entertain love in his life. I say "matriculating" because I can't really say we're dating. Although we see each other at least once a week, he's never made a real romantic move toward me. Ours is more of an intellectual situation where he keeps me in the loop of his life and I try to encourage him to give himself some grace.

Several other things are wearing me out, but the final straw came this morning. The first post that came up on my Facebook page was an engagement announcement. The granddaughter of my former cleaning lady is getting married. While I'm truly happy for her, it serves as yet another reminder that I have yet to be chosen.

As hard as I try not to, I can't help but wonder what in the world is so inherently wrong with me that no one sees me as marriage material. No one looks at me and says, "I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman like that." I keep holding on to the fact that someone will eventually want me, but it gets harder and harder to sell myself that bill of goods when faced with the reality of my loneliness.

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