Skip to main content

Lost???

He says he's lost.

Against my better judgement, I hit him up to say, "Happy Father's Day."

It took him a minute, but he hit me back and we had a conversation. My bad.

After telling me that he needed to come here and get some clothes, I asked if he was good. He said that he guessed. When I asked what that meant, he said, "I'm completely lost."

I asked, "Why do you feel that way? Isn't this what you wanted?"

He responded, "I don't know."

Note to self -- if you haven't completely thought out what you want, don't do anything to jeopardize what you currently have. The way I see it, it was cute to act a fool when you knew I was here for you. Now you know that I have absolutely no problem looking out for myself -- without you -- and you don't know how to take it.

Of course, his feelings could have absolutely nothing to do with me. Believe me, he's got enough to be lost about without including me in the mix. But you know me...I want it to be about me. I want him to feel lost without me. Like I feel without him.

My cousin has been in town this week, and it's been a welcome change. But she's leaving tomorrow, and I'm afraid that the emotions I've been fighting all week are going to come up again. And now that he's said this foolishness...

I just don't know.

Maybe we're both lost...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...
5 comments
Read more