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Showing posts from July, 2017

"It's Us..."

I hate it when New Boo reminds me of our time together. It happened tonight.

We were chatting about our day and getting ready to sign off. When I said good night to him -- calling him by his name -- he called me a name we'd come up with when we were together. He's the only one who calls me that.

I said, "Damn," and send a cringing emoji. He was like, "Sorry. Old joke." I said, "I'm giggling, but I hate you." He replied, "Don't. It's us."

Completely slayed me. I was NOT prepared. My heart sank within me and the tears sprang to my eyes.

I honestly wish he wouldn't bring stuff like that up. After all, it's HIS fault that we aren't together. If I'd had my way, we never would've broken up. I'd never know My Teddy Bear, and we would be happily together.

But no. That's not where we are. And honestly, I sometimes hate him for this.

If I'm really honest, it's not him I hate. It's myself.

I hate …

Something New...

For many years, I've used this space to try and work out my issues. I've poured out large portions of my heart on this page because I couldn't say anything to the people around me.
But my latest issues have called my sanity into question, and I've decided to get some more formalized help. So...long story short, I've started seeing a therapist.
I never thought I would.
So far, I've had two sessions. She asked me questions in the first one, and the second one found me spilling my guts about children.
I've only told a few people. I haven't shared it with the people closest to me, and I'm not really sure why. It's not like it's shameful. But it IS a new and different way of dealing with my life.
I told New Boo. He's in therapy, too.
Funny thing -- My Teddy Bear, who's now my ex, is seeing a therapist, too. But I haven't talked to him about it. Yet again, he's facing another crisis.
The other day I was bleeding and hot and sweaty …

Post Mortem on The Breakup

So...I told you that I'd finally given My Teddy Bear the boot...

...Or so I thought.

Apparently I didn't use the right words when I gave him his walking papers. He's under the impression that we're "on a break" and that we're still together.

 That is NOT the impression I wanted to give him.

But what do you say when a man is sobbing?

I said, "Let's just step back and heal ourselves and revisit this later." What I should've said was, "It's been fun, but I'm done, son."

Now he wants to talk to me. In person. I don't want to.

But if I do...I have something to say. He won't like it.

What I want to say is that we've all experienced loss. The difference is that we don't wallow in it. We know how to mourn the loss and move on. We never forget, but we release the pain of it and learn to treasure the time we had with the person.

What I found is that he wallows. That's why he eats the way he does. Instead of mo…