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Showing posts from January, 2019

We'll See...

Yesterday was New Boo's birthday. We were supposed to go out and celebrate. While there had been talk of getting a room, we had settled on going out to dinner and taking it from there.
We didn't make it. He ended up with some sort of stomach ailment and didn't want to come out.
It's his birthday. Why was I disappointed?
Once again...I got my hopes up and believed him. Once again...he let me down.
But wait...a glimmer of hope in what could've been a very dim situation...
We talked for three hours. We broke down some things that had never been addressed throughout our relationship.
We finally admitted that we got caught up in a wave of passion. We moved too fast and never really got to know each other. 
He told me that he wants me in his life and values my friendship. This time, because he respects and cares about me, he wants to do it right and take it one step at a time. Basically capture we missed the first time around.
Could this be what I've been waiting fo…

I Can't

New Boo and I actually went out. He'd asked me, and after a few misses, we finally ended up at dinner. We ate, he paid, he walked me to work, bought me a watch off the street, and we had a conversation at my job.

It took me a minute to figure out why there was a knot in my stomach and tears in my eyes. Now I get it.

When I look in his eyes, I see the architect of my greatest heartache. And try though I might, I can't shake that image. But my heart is still so open to him because, in spite of all we've been through, I love him.

All he'd have to do is show me that he's changed. That he's ready to love me like I need to be loved. That he's not "settling" for me because nothing else has worked out for him.

I am not a consolation prize. I'm not someone you settle for. I'm freakin' awesome.

I think he sees me as weak and pathetic...someone he can dangle a carrot in front of and get what he needs for the moment. Sadly, I've not done anyth…