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Showing posts from 2014

Man Training 101 & Other Things...

"Now that you've been with New Boo for a while, you've got to train him..."

That's what one of my girlfriends told me during a conversation about my love. She said that once you've dated a guy a while, you have to train him to be the way you want him to be.

Huh? Train?

Call me crazy, but the only creatures that need to be trained by me are children and animals. And New Boo is neither. He's a man. Not necessarily perfect, but way better than most. Honestly, I don't need anyone I need to train. I want a fully formed person.

In my friend's defense, she prefaced her statement with, "I'm no expert on relationships." It should also be said that she's not the first woman to mention "training" to me. What IS interesting to me is that both women that mentioned it to me are completely single.

I love New Boo just the way he is. We spent our first Christmas together. I gave him a few things I thought he'd like, and he gave me s…

Life Matters: My Take on All This Madness

I am vexed beyond words about the situation with the two police officers being shot in Brooklyn. What bothers me is the blatant disregard for life -- on both sides. The man who felt like it was okay to take the lives of two police officers CLEARLY had no disregard for life because he took theirs and his own.

And then there are the situations with Eric Garner and Michael Brown. Both situations show a disregard for life. For humanity, really. And it's painful to me that all of these families will have holes in them because someone felt like it was okay to take a life.

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when people could fight and disagree -- and everyone went home to fight another day. When did it become okay to kill a person for whatever reason?

As quiet as it's kept, by NOT indicting the police officers for killing those guys, it shows that life doesn't really matter. And it's easy to say Black life (and believe me, I do believe that it's open season on br…

Uh Oh...

My period is late.

What does that mean? Well, since New Boo and I have been trying to get pregnant, it COULD mean that we've been successful. Of course, I'm also 44 years old. It could mean that menopause has come early.

Since it's only been a week -- and my body sometimes switches up -- I'm not overly worried about it. At least not yet.

Stay tuned...

Where I Am Today...

This is such a surreal place for me right now. I'm actually in a good relationship. I have a boyfriend who loves me and does his best for me. He isn't perfect by any stretch, but we can talk and dream together. That means so much to me. And it's so not where I expected to be.
I'm the girl who always wondered who would want me. I'm not that easy to get along with, I snore, and I'm generally not the chick who gets the good guy. And please understand -- I do not begrudge the women who found their Mr. Wonderfuls before I did. I just always wondered where mine was.
It was okay to be alone in my 20s and 30s -- even though I didn't want to be. You can still write that off as being young. But when you reach 40, things change. At 40, you can't blame anything on your youth. And you also start to modify your dreams. You realize that babies might not be on your agenda at this stage of your life -- even if you want them. (I actually had a man tell me once that I mus…

Fight For You...A Love Song

I was listening to Pandora, and this song came up. I hadn't heard it before, but when I listened to it, I realized that this is just what New Boo is doing. For me. Because he loves me. 

The Point of No Return...

There comes a point in every relationship where you go past the point of no return. When you've literally put everything on the table. You can end up revealing some things you never intended to or realized you'd have to admit. I've reached that point with New Boo.

I went home for Thanksgiving, and New Boo stayed here. We kept in close touch while I was gone, but I know we missed each other. When I got home, he had dinner waiting for me and we watched TV and got reacquainted. Afterward, we had a discussion about what went on at home.

One of the things that happened while I was gone was that one of the guys I slept with back in the day hit me up and offered me "birthday dick." Naturally I shut him down because I now have a man. And honestly, since I'm grown, that's just not cool. I probably should've been offended because, let's be real clear, this is how this guy always gets down.

I had no intention of telling New Boo about that incident. But he as…

One of the Many Things I'm Thankful For...

I have the best boyfriend in the world -- bar none. He is so awesome and I love him so much. I know it hasn't been a long time, but I can honestly look at this man and see my future. And it looks extremely bright.

The thing that makes New Boo so unique is our friendship. It's genuine on both sides. I never feel like I'm forcing anything with him because we are just so natural together. That makes me extremely happy. And the way he treats me is insane. In all my history of dating, I've never had a man treat me as much like a princess as this man does. And it's not like he's doing it to impress me. He does it because that's his nature. That's what makes it so wonderful to me.

I love how he keeps his mind fresh by constantly learning and teaching himself new things. He watches documentaries. He researches any and everything around the sun. He doesn't work out at a gym, but he keeps himself in shape by walking.

Is he perfect? Absolutely not. And as quie…

Surprise! My People Love Me...

I absolutely have the best boyfriend and friends in the world. Last night, they got together to throw me a surprise birthday party. My birthday is next weekend, but I'll be home celebrating with my mom -- with whom I share a birthday. Normally my friends and I celebrate when I get back, but this time my homegirl -- the event planner extraordinaire -- will be throwing a paid party. So she told me she'd cook dinner for me and my boyfriend. When I left my house, I thought it was just going to be me, New Boo, my homie and one other friend. Imagine my surprise when everyone was there.

But let me back up and say that it blessed me even more that New Boo was there. He had to work, so I thought he'd be meeting me at my friend's house. But he came home first. It touched me that he'd realize how much this meant to me and actually come through for me. When he got here, I was on the verge of tears. Why? Because disappointment I'm used to. Disappointment I can handle. When …

Love Is and Other Thoughts of Mine...

The bible says that love is patient and kind. I completely believe that. But it's also messy and ugly and painful -- especially when it comes to families.
This evening, I got a chance to witness my brother completely taking our mom to task for her shortcomings. I won't go into the details -- they're not important unless you were there -- but basically he told her that he's tired of her not stepping up to the plate and being the mother and grandmother we all deserve.
I wish I could say that he lied, but he didn't. My mother is one of the most immature adults I know. In addition, she has NEVER fought for us. She left that to our grandmothers. Granny always fought for me, and Nanny (my brother's father's mother) fought for him. Now both of those wonderful ladies are gone, and we are left alone. I was 37 when Granny died, so I was pretty well established. But my brother is 10 years younger than me, so he needed more. In normal families, our mother would've …

What We Do...

I love him so much. I wish there was a way for me to tattoo that fact on his brain. I think he knows it fundamentally, but his poor heart has been so battered and bruised that it's hard for him to believe it. And that makes it hard for me.

He questions me. He analyzes every jot and tittle. If I edit myself in the middle of a sentence, he's trying to figure out what I didn't say. He looks at my facial expressions and my movements and tries to understand exactly what is going on with me.

I've never been in this type of situation. Ever. No one's ever looked at me and thought that I was the girl good enough or wanted enough to be deceitful. Now he's watching my every move and it's strange...extremely strange.

Honestly, I'm finding it daunting to be under such scrutiny. But I love him so much that I answer all his questions. I give explanations for everything. I do everything in my power to make sure that he realizes how much he means to me.

There are breakt…

The Silver Lining Appears

Excitement is too weak to describe what I'm feeling right now. It's Friday, and I have an apartment to call my own. I don't move in until the 15th, but there is now a space in this city that I can call my very own. And to let you know how good God REALLY is, it's a one-bedroom apartment in a private house, the rent is well within the budget, and it's in a good location. In addition, the lady who told me about the place lives next door -- which means I'll have a really sweet neighbor.
What REALLY makes me happy is that I'll be able to spend comfortable time with New Boo. In private. With no one else around. When he comes over, he won't have to speak to anyone but me. And that thrills me more than I can articulate.
Oh, and we worked through that situation. I think we'll be stronger than ever now. It's almost like we're unstoppable now.

Perfect Love in Imperfection

What does true love look like? It looks like your man sleeping on the floor of your rented room because he's been in your craptastic bed all night & he needs to stretch out because he just can't take it anymore. But he's there because he wants to be with you that badly. 
How could you possibly screw that up? By being the stupidest woman in the world. 
I should've known better, but I never thought the dude I gave my number to on a whim -- after I made it clear that I had a man that I loved with all my heart -- would try to make a power play and call me at midnight on a Saturday night. But he did, and then I had to answer questions about a situation that doesn't exist and explain the unexplainable to someone who's been hurt by people who were supposed to love him.
I'm so upset I don't know what to do. The LAST thing I ever want to do is hurt my baby. And that's what I've done. Now he's doubting me and all I stand for. And I can't blame…

In Defense of Bad Credit

I have bad credit. I'm not saying this because I'm proud of it. I'm saying it because it's true.

When I was in college, I got a bunch of credit cards with no way to pay the bills. Then as an adult, I went through periods of being both underemployed and unemployed. When I got jobs, I had to focus on the basics of food and shelter -- not catching up bills. And now I have a credit score that is in the toilet.

Again...not a thing I'm proud of at all.

But I mention this because I think it's ridiculous for apartment companies to judge me on my credit score. Here's why -- if I'm not able to pay a single bill, I make sure to keep a roof over my head. That means that I pay rent. If I'm RENTING from you, what does it matter what I do for everyone else? When random people look at my credit score, it doesn't show that the bills were paid perfectly and on-time until the job decided to lay you off.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Carry on...

What Gives...

No matter how perfect a relationship starts, there will be bumps in the road. The test of what you really have is how you take them. Right now, I'm not taking this bump particularly well.

Here's the deal. I'm living with the craziest roommate in the world. This chick keeps freakin' tools in the freezer. Don't believe me? I wouldn't believe me, either, but I have proof.



New Boo lives a block away from one of the nicest areas I've seen in Brooklyn. And his whole block isn't bad. But the half of the block where he lives is horrid, and his building is the worst of them all. And that's in addition to it being a fourth-floor walkup and him having a roommate.

Needless to say, neither one of us likes our living situation. And because we don't live alone, the thought of us being together while either one of our roommates is home just isn't pleasant. And I get that. But today was the first time ever that we were off at the same time, and I was looking…

Could It Really Be...

Today is another crappy day. If it's darkest before the dawn, then I'm due for a bright tomorrow.

Anyway, I was really bugging out, and I reached out to New Boo. He could tell that all was not well in my world, and he asked me about it. When I told him that I was on the verge of screaming, he immediately went into Cheer Me Up mode. He said he wanted to see me later, and while I agreed, I told him straight out that I probably wouldn't be good company. You know what he said? "Good or bad company -- it doesn't matter. I just want you by my side."

I honestly almost broke down right there. For one, no one's ever said that to me. Ever. And for him to say it almost makes this thing bearable.

And here's where the comparison comes in. That Other Guy (can't really call him The One anymore) was always in such dire straits that there wasn't room for me to be anything other than his cheerleader. Also, he didn't know how to encourage me on any level, an…
I'm not a crybaby. Things aren't perfect, but that's no reason to cry about them...at least not all the time. Right now, though, I'm feeling very weepy.

I've been sick this week. I've been battling strep throat for the past two weeks, and it's hanging on like a champ. People who know me know that I'm not one to be sick, so this is REALLY taking a toll on me. And to add insult to injury, it's not just in my throat anymore. I found out that another manifestation of the strep bacteria causes your skin to peel. Hence the reason my hands look like I'm some kind of leper. Which wouldn't bother me, but I'm a people person...and someone who deals with the public. Can you IMAGINE how embarrassing this is?

And on another note, I found out that a good friend of mine has been spilling secrets on me. How did I find that out? Well, New Boo's roommate and this friend are close -- MUCH closer than I thought. Close to the point that the things I'…

I Have My Reasons...

Usually when people say, "I have my reasons," they're usually things they don't want to reveal. I've said that many times to many people. Today, though, I want to reveal a few of the reasons why I think New Boo is the bee's knees.

1. He's nice to me. I know that sounds like a given, but The One showed me that it's not always a given that the person you love will be nice to you. He definitely wasn't. But this guy is so sweet to me that he carries my bag when he could just insist that I do it. He also keeps me safe on the streets and he lets me be exactly who I am when we're together. I swear I love that.

2. He takes me nice places. Let me clarify something here. We're dating, but on a budget. Yet, we've seen some of the nicest places in the city. We actually act like tourists the way we explore. Today's trek took us to downtown Brooklyn. I think he got just as much of a kick out of looking at the great old apartments and architectur…

The Next Chapter...

There are no words to describe how I feel right now. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because God has seen fit to bless me with someone who makes me laugh, cry, think, and feel like I'm on top of the world.

This man hasn't said he loves me in words, but his every action screams it. He makes me a priority in his life, and he's concerned about the things that are important to me. His gentle demeanor calms me down and his arms soothe my soul.

Our relationship is new, but he's already made up his mind that I'm the girl he wants to be with. The conversations we've had -- both in person and via text -- say that he cares deeply for me and wants to do right by me because I bring joy to his life.

And here's the deal -- I never saw him coming. Now I can't imagine my life without him. I see him every day, and sometimes even that's not enough. We both realize that we need to be closer because we enjoy each other so much.

I don't know what's go…

It's Over...

So I did it. I broke up with The One. And now I'm sad.

I'm not sad because we broke up. That had to happen. He didn't respect the relationship or me anymore, so it was time for him to go. But that doesn't mean that I'm not mourning the death of our relationship. It doesn't mean that I don't love him. It doesn't mean that I'm not worried about him. It just means that I can't be attached to him as he spirals out of control to self-destruction.

I wish I could rewind the last three months...back to when we were good. When he loved me and wanted our relationship to work. I wish I could take all the love I have for him and infuse into his pores so that he would do what needed to be done for us to be together.

That's the real issue. My love wasn't enough to make him want to do and be better for us. At the end of the day, that's what I wish I could change. That's what hurts me to my core.

I know that when the story of our love is retold …

Forever Isn't as Long as it Used to Be...

For all that big talk I was doing, I realize that I'm hurt about The One. I really thought he cared. I believed him when he said he'd love me forever. Clearly, forever isn't as long as it used to be.

And while I'm crushed today, I know I'll get past this. There will be love for me because I deserve it. But I'll know some things for next time. For instance, I won't be so quick to believe the pretty words. I'll test them out to make sure that they're real before I let myself get caught up.

Next time, I won't stick my neck on the line for someone who's not willing or able to make the same kind of sacrifices for me. I won't go to the nth degree until I can see some sort of return on my investment.

Next time, I promise you I won't let myself fall for someone who doesn't live close enough to touch at least once a week. I see now how important it is to have that contact with your love.

Next time, I'll protect my heart a little bette…

"Touch Me in the Morning..."

I don't know what happened, but somewhere between the "screw you, bitch" and him responding negatively to my question, "Do you know what you're apologizing for," my love died. Not a screaming, crying, whimpering death. More of a quiet, "you know what you have to do" type death. The kind that comes after the pain has settled in and made a home in your heart.

The way I see it, there's a window after a major infraction where you can make things right. You can say, "Baby, I didn't mean what I said. I was drunk/high/frustrated with my life/etc. and took it out on you, and I was wrong. Please forgive me." At that point, even if you make someone suffer a few more minutes/hours/etc., you know that you'll be able to move on from the situation none the worse for wear.
And then there's what my foolish-ass boyfriend did.
After saying, "Screw you, bitch," and hanging up, he didn't even try to call back. When he did -- a …

Hmm...What Just Happened Here?

Relationships aren't easy. Anyone who says otherwise is a damn liar. Then again, maybe they can be and I'm just in the wrong one.

What started off as a regular conversation spiraled into a "screw you, bitch" before I could catch it. The killer part? He hung up on me in the process.

Here's where I should mention that I love him. I really do. That's why when I get mad at him, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I try not to jump to the worst possible conclusion. Does that make me some kind of saint? Absolutely not. In fact, at this point, I feel like some kind of idiot.

Be all that as it may, I will take a lot of ish from the one I love. But I find hanging up on a person to be one of the most disrespectful things you can do. It's like you don't even deem the other person's response to whatever you've said worthy of your attention. It's the one thing that's (almost) unforgivable.

So now I'm facing a crossroad. Should I go off …

My Tribute to Mother Maya

There was an eighth grader in the backwoods of East Texas who thought she was destined to stay there until her English teacher introduced her to I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. She read that book and realized that the author was from Stamps, Arkansas -- a town that was right down the street from her. At that point, she knew that it was possible for people from the country to do great things.
That girl grew up to become a woman who's lived almost all of her dreams. And although she never laid eyes on that author, she DID get a chance to tell her how her work affected her life. The author was gracious when she didn't have to be, and taught that girl another lesson in how to handle praise.

I'm in Love...

I've finally fallen in love with the man of my dreams. He is beautiful and sweet and lovable and strong. He's a writer, like me, which means that he's expressive and intelligent. That's enough to make me melt.

But to say he's perfect would be a lie before God and all His angels. He's moody, aloof, and somewhat surly. His temperament isn't light like mine, but brooding. I can tell that he spends a lot of time in his head.

For some reason, we are compatible. He hears and understand me. And I understand him. We work together on the places that are vague for us.

I'm learning a lot about love from this man. And it's not like anything I've ever experienced before.

For one, I'm learning that it doesn't take all the frills to love someone. Sometimes it can be downright messy and dirty and smelly. And yet, it's still the best feeling ever.

I'm so happy.

Welcome to Me

I am strong
My heart is tender You are hurtful
There are times when I need someone To listen to me When the foolishness of this world becomes Too much for me to handle Alone.
I need you to understand That I'm not always logical Or practical. I'm just me.
sometimes i feel small and insignificant like no one cares for me that my needs are an afterthought 
Your purpose in my life Is to help me see in those moments That I'm not alone. That I'm not stupid. That I'm not crazy.
I wish my inner being was as strong As my outer shell. But it's not.
A good relationship should allow for both your strength  And your weakness To occupy the same space with the same love for both.
Admire my strength. Embrace my weakness. Love me through it all.

Making Room

If love is a house We’re responsible for furnishing it. We put our careers, family, and friends In well-arranged configurations So we’ll be comfortable. And we can live this way for a long time.
Until the day we meet the one who Makes our hearts leap within us. The one who sings the song We were meant to sing Forever.
That’s when we have to rearrange things In our perfect house. Because it’s necessary to make room Not only for those we love But for those who love us.
That’s where I am. I’m making room for you.