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What We Do...

I love him so much. I wish there was a way for me to tattoo that fact on his brain. I think he knows it fundamentally, but his poor heart has been so battered and bruised that it's hard for him to believe it. And that makes it hard for me.

He questions me. He analyzes every jot and tittle. If I edit myself in the middle of a sentence, he's trying to figure out what I didn't say. He looks at my facial expressions and my movements and tries to understand exactly what is going on with me.

I've never been in this type of situation. Ever. No one's ever looked at me and thought that I was the girl good enough or wanted enough to be deceitful. Now he's watching my every move and it's strange...extremely strange.

Honestly, I'm finding it daunting to be under such scrutiny. But I love him so much that I answer all his questions. I give explanations for everything. I do everything in my power to make sure that he realizes how much he means to me.

There are breakthroughs. He gets that I love him. But I need him to rest in that knowledge. Because as much as I love him, I am a human. One who doesn't like to be accused all the time. If my love wasn't strong, he'd push me away.

But I am strong. And my love for him is strong. So I stand here, loving him, willing him to believe me and trust me. This is what we're doing right now. And I will do it as long as it takes to make sure he understands how much I love him. Because I do.

Comments

JB said…
Oh hon, my husband did that for me, just hung in there, loving me, telling me over and over, and even still, after twenty-seven years together, I sometimes don't understand why he loves me, but he does. Thank you for being that person for this guy because I was like him. I hope he can let you in and that you can hold out until he does.

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