Skip to main content

Love Is and Other Thoughts of Mine...

The bible says that love is patient and kind. I completely believe that. But it's also messy and ugly and painful -- especially when it comes to families.

This evening, I got a chance to witness my brother completely taking our mom to task for her shortcomings. I won't go into the details -- they're not important unless you were there -- but basically he told her that he's tired of her not stepping up to the plate and being the mother and grandmother we all deserve.

I wish I could say that he lied, but he didn't. My mother is one of the most immature adults I know. In addition, she has NEVER fought for us. She left that to our grandmothers. Granny always fought for me, and Nanny (my brother's father's mother) fought for him. Now both of those wonderful ladies are gone, and we are left alone. I was 37 when Granny died, so I was pretty well established. But my brother is 10 years younger than me, so he needed more. In normal families, our mother would've been able to be there for us. But that's not the case, and my brother is fed up.

I completely agree with my brother -- our mother needs to get it together. Some of the things he told her are things I warned her about years ago. But she didn't listen, and now the chickens have come home to roost.

This situation hurts me. Not because it involves me. And that hurts me more. My role in this family has always been as distant peacemaker. I'm not an active participant in anything. As I write this, I realize that I've checked out over the years. Whether it was going to school, going to work, or moving away, I've been able to keep myself above the fray by leaving. That's not good, either. And both of them have dumped their madness on me, and I've taken it upon myself to try to keep the peace.


New Boo got to witness all this. Since my brother was so gracious as to let me witness it via three-way, I shared tidbits with New Boo via text. I don't know if I should've done that, but I want him to see who I am -- the good AND the bad. I want him to understand that I don't mean to be self-centered, and I'm trying to be present in all we do, but it's not necessarily in my history. I want him to see my crazy. 

I should probably stop here and update you -- New Boo and I are in the process of combining our households. He doesn't have all of his stuff here yet, but it's coming. And I told him that we won't be able to live together indefinitely without a ring. He knows that I want to be someone's wife and mother, so we're working toward that. That's why it's important to me for him to get a good look at who I am. I don't want to spring stuff on him at the last minute.

He got off work early today, and he came here. It made me smile to know that he chose to be here when he could've gone anywhere else.

If it sounds like I'm rambling, I am. It's just that my brain is all over the place. Ugh.

Thank you for listening.


Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating.