Skip to main content

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone.

That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not!

My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day.

More than that, she came with the very mentality that drove me from Small Town America. In her mind, there's only one way to do things. And since I don't do things that way, it's her duty to remind me. She nagged me about driving too fast. I live in LA, and I have to keep up. I lost the car in the parking lot of the mall. How could I do that? she asked. The final straw was when she told me that I was too short to be a diva. Diva don't even start until you're 5'8. It hurt. And I finally told her to shut the hell up.

So, in light of the fiasco that was my weekend, I'm writing my Five Commandments of Houseguests...

1. Thou shalt not expect things to be like they are at your home.
One of the things that my friend complained about was my bed. I don't have furniture yet. (I know it's been 6 months, but I just can't find what I want in my price range.) Anyway, the comfy bed that makes me happy made her back hurt because it was too soft. I get that...but this is what I have. If you need everything to like it is at your house, stay there.

2. Thou shalt not expect your hostess to work miracles.
My friend wanted to hit the town to meet men. Since I work two jobs, I don't necessarily go out. Not that I don't like kickin' it, but going out in Hollywood is a huge hassle for several reasons. Parking is enough to do you in, but when you factor in getting dressed, finding a decent place to go that won't require a second mortgage, etc...it's a bit much. And it's quite apparent by my single status that I don't know where to go. Anyway...I found a place to go, but it didn't really start hopping for about an hour. She kept looking at me like I was supposed to make something happen. And when the men weren't up to her standards, she gave me that, "Are you kidding me" look.

3. Thou shalt have an opinion if you're asked.
Here's the deal: Because I don't spend a lot of time at home, I don't buy a lot of food. So I eat out a lot. But I'm a picky eater. Always have been. When you're with me, restaurants are the order of the day. When I asked her where she wanted to eat, she said, "Well, what's on the way?" Okay...first of all, this is LA. Not the small town we're from. That means that there are countless restaurants "on the way." I said, "Well, what do you want to eat?" Her response? "It don't matter." Ma'am, that's not an answer. Make up your mind.

4. Thou shalt find out what's going on in your hostess' life, and govern yourself accordingly.
Her visit was planned months in advance. However, things had changed by the time she actually got here. For one, Mr. Wonderful and I had broken up. That changed my life considerably. Then, my job has been heating up. (It's still good, but I had a lot on my plate.) And like I said before, I'm singing in a church choir, working two jobs, and trying my best to hold things together. And she never called to find out what was up with me. (Of course, in her defense, I realize that she's experiencing one of the most selfish times in her life. Grief is like that...believe me, I know.) Still, it pays to find out what the lay of the land is BEFORE you come.

And finally...

5. Thou shalt do your part to make your visit pleasant.
When people come to visit me, I want them to have a good time. I'm gonna do my best to take you where you want to go, let you see what you want to see, and overall bend over backwards for your pleasure. HOWEVER, I need you to suck it up. If you think I'm the worst hostess in the world, do not tell me. Or, if it's something you just can't deal with, let me know in a way that won't hurt my feelings or make me feel small. Now, when you go home, you can run me down like a dog in the street. But when you're in my presence, please try to remember how hard I'm trying...and cut me some slack.

Comments

Mo said…
OH LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mo said…
OH LORD~ A beatdown maybe in order...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allure U said…
Wow she's really rude!
Poor thing. I hate it when friends take hospitality for granted- and then want to be entertained 24-7. Like come on, friendship is a two way street! Kudos to you for keeping your end of the bargain. Anyhow, I just clicked follow because judging from this post, there will be more good stuff coming! :)
djdannak said…
I am so mad at her right now...DIVAS come in all sizes thank you very much...and shame on her for the rest...you guys go way back and y'all are grown she should've been way more open and humble even through her own grief filter to be kind...you guys are after all friends...

Popular posts from this blog

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Now What?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I am having issues right now.

First of all, I'm realizing some things about myself that I really don't like admitting. For one, I am NOT satisfied with My Teddy Bear. Why, you ask? Because sex isn't a priority with him.

Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

MTB doesn't know this. Even though I've always felt this way, I don't talk about it. Most of the guys I know actually want sex. They probably use it the way I do -- as a feel-good situation.

Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…