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The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone.

That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not!

My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day.

More than that, she came with the very mentality that drove me from Small Town America. In her mind, there's only one way to do things. And since I don't do things that way, it's her duty to remind me. She nagged me about driving too fast. I live in LA, and I have to keep up. I lost the car in the parking lot of the mall. How could I do that? she asked. The final straw was when she told me that I was too short to be a diva. Diva don't even start until you're 5'8. It hurt. And I finally told her to shut the hell up.

So, in light of the fiasco that was my weekend, I'm writing my Five Commandments of Houseguests...

1. Thou shalt not expect things to be like they are at your home.
One of the things that my friend complained about was my bed. I don't have furniture yet. (I know it's been 6 months, but I just can't find what I want in my price range.) Anyway, the comfy bed that makes me happy made her back hurt because it was too soft. I get that...but this is what I have. If you need everything to like it is at your house, stay there.

2. Thou shalt not expect your hostess to work miracles.
My friend wanted to hit the town to meet men. Since I work two jobs, I don't necessarily go out. Not that I don't like kickin' it, but going out in Hollywood is a huge hassle for several reasons. Parking is enough to do you in, but when you factor in getting dressed, finding a decent place to go that won't require a second mortgage,'s a bit much. And it's quite apparent by my single status that I don't know where to go. Anyway...I found a place to go, but it didn't really start hopping for about an hour. She kept looking at me like I was supposed to make something happen. And when the men weren't up to her standards, she gave me that, "Are you kidding me" look.

3. Thou shalt have an opinion if you're asked.
Here's the deal: Because I don't spend a lot of time at home, I don't buy a lot of food. So I eat out a lot. But I'm a picky eater. Always have been. When you're with me, restaurants are the order of the day. When I asked her where she wanted to eat, she said, "Well, what's on the way?" Okay...first of all, this is LA. Not the small town we're from. That means that there are countless restaurants "on the way." I said, "Well, what do you want to eat?" Her response? "It don't matter." Ma'am, that's not an answer. Make up your mind.

4. Thou shalt find out what's going on in your hostess' life, and govern yourself accordingly.
Her visit was planned months in advance. However, things had changed by the time she actually got here. For one, Mr. Wonderful and I had broken up. That changed my life considerably. Then, my job has been heating up. (It's still good, but I had a lot on my plate.) And like I said before, I'm singing in a church choir, working two jobs, and trying my best to hold things together. And she never called to find out what was up with me. (Of course, in her defense, I realize that she's experiencing one of the most selfish times in her life. Grief is like that...believe me, I know.) Still, it pays to find out what the lay of the land is BEFORE you come.

And finally...

5. Thou shalt do your part to make your visit pleasant.
When people come to visit me, I want them to have a good time. I'm gonna do my best to take you where you want to go, let you see what you want to see, and overall bend over backwards for your pleasure. HOWEVER, I need you to suck it up. If you think I'm the worst hostess in the world, do not tell me. Or, if it's something you just can't deal with, let me know in a way that won't hurt my feelings or make me feel small. Now, when you go home, you can run me down like a dog in the street. But when you're in my presence, please try to remember how hard I'm trying...and cut me some slack.


Mo said…
OH LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mo said…
OH LORD~ A beatdown maybe in order...UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Allure U said…
Wow she's really rude!
Poor thing. I hate it when friends take hospitality for granted- and then want to be entertained 24-7. Like come on, friendship is a two way street! Kudos to you for keeping your end of the bargain. Anyhow, I just clicked follow because judging from this post, there will be more good stuff coming! :)
djdannak said…
I am so mad at her right now...DIVAS come in all sizes thank you very much...and shame on her for the guys go way back and y'all are grown she should've been way more open and humble even through her own grief filter to be guys are after all friends...

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