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Forever Isn't as Long as it Used to Be...

For all that big talk I was doing, I realize that I'm hurt about The One. I really thought he cared. I believed him when he said he'd love me forever. Clearly, forever isn't as long as it used to be.

And while I'm crushed today, I know I'll get past this. There will be love for me because I deserve it. But I'll know some things for next time. For instance, I won't be so quick to believe the pretty words. I'll test them out to make sure that they're real before I let myself get caught up.

Next time, I won't stick my neck on the line for someone who's not willing or able to make the same kind of sacrifices for me. I won't go to the nth degree until I can see some sort of return on my investment.

Next time, I promise you I won't let myself fall for someone who doesn't live close enough to touch at least once a week. I see now how important it is to have that contact with your love.

Next time, I'll protect my heart a little better. I won't let it go out there alone no matter what happens. I'll guard it a little more carefully.

Next time, I won't ignore the signs and I'll get out when I see foolishness on the horizon.

And while I'm so wounded right now I can't even see myself wanting a next time, I know they'll be a next time. And I'll be more careful then.

But then again, how can you be careful and still be in love? The whole point of love and loving is giving your all in hopes of having it returned to you.

I really don't know anything anymore.  Ugh.

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I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…