Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

I'm watching Scandal , and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt. I get it. I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it. This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known. It's not even like that for me. I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work. But yet I'm seen as intimidating.  Yeah...right.

Just when you think your life is the worst it could possibly be, you hear something that puts it all in perspective. One of my best friends went to the doctor and was told she either had an autoimmune disease...or cancer. Whoa. That makes ALL my issues seem minor now. I cannot lose her. Period. Because I believe in God and I know He's a Healer, I know she'll be fine. But it still gives me pause. It's funny...if you'd told me 20 years ago that any of my friends would be dead, I probably would've laughed at you. Camille was already gone, but she got killed. That was different. My homie and I've got 25 years of friendship. I plan to be calling that heifer from the nursing home. We're gonna compare denture stories. If you know Jesus for real, please pray for her.

"Nothing's ever really dead if you look at it right." from Collateral Beauty I believe that. Although I also believe that some things need to be killed, lest they consume you. That's what my love for New Boo feels like sometimes. I need for it to die. I need to be able to bury it. I need it to not come up every time I see happy couples. I need to get it out of my system so I can go on with my life. I realize at this point I'll never be able to move forward until I can release this piece of my puzzle. Sometimes I don't think I want to. I want to live in this love forever. I want him to move back into it with me and make it right again. I want us to get married and live happily ever after. I want to have his children over to our home for holidays. I want to meet his family and make memories for just the two of us. I want what everyone else wants. And I want it with the love of my heart. I realize that a lot of what I equate with success comes fro...