Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

I just got in from the late show of Sex and the City , and I'm happy to report that it lived up to the hype. Even though I wasn't a die-hard fan of the Awesome Foursome, I liked them enough to want to see the movie. Everything you love Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha for -- sex, fashion, and men -- was present in abundance. Everything about tonight would have been perfect had I gone alone. But I made the stupid mistake of attending the biggest chick flick of the year with my cousin. She's the only child of my mother's only sister, and she's a pain in the ass. MC is the kind of person who'd rather curse the darkness than light a candle. She's very pessimistic with a bad attitude. There's never a silver lining to her cloud, and she finds a way to see the worse at all times. It's so bad that she wears a permanent scowl on her face. Basically, she's the kind of person who could mess up a wet dream. As you can imagine, she and I don't rea...

Just so you know, I didn't make it out on Saturday, thanks to a visit from Mother Nature. It was cool, though, because I needed the time to rest and think. And what, pray tell, did I think about? My crazy ex . Can you believe he had the nerve to call again? After I told him -- in no uncertain terms -- that I'm done with the relationship, he still had the nerve to ring my phone this weekend. Fortunately for him, I didn't answer. However, his complete disregard for my feelings makes me think, once again, that I made the right choice in cancelling his subscription to MackDiva Magazine . That incident made me angry, but fortunately all was not lost this holiday weekend. I felt better on Monday, so I went to this wonderful little thing called "The Battle of the Sexes." One of my new-found Cali friends hosts the monthly forum, which gives people the opportunity to find out exactly what goes on with the opposite sex. People submit questions anonymously to the host, who p...

I went out last night. One of my co-workers had a little get-together to celebrate his birthday. He's about six feet, five inches tall and not hard on the eyes, so it was a no-brainer when he invited me. Of course, the fact that I hadn't been out in about six months didn't hurt, either. We met at his house for drinks before going to the club. His friends consisted of a guy that works with us and one of his hometown friends. Both guys were cute enough, but I felt like the elder stateswoman. Neither of them knew that was old enough to be their mother because, thankfully, my face doesn't tell my story, but it was interesting to me nevertheless. I say interesting because the level of conversation was so far removed from the things my friends and I talk about. It wasn't unintelligent by any stretch, but it just didn't resonate with me in a way that would make me want to engage in it again. After a careful analysis of the situation, I decided that the best way to deal...

"I'm not through loving you." I don't know why that line from the season finale of Grey's Anatomy makes me cry, but it does. It makes me think of every person I've ever loved. Most times, we broke up because I wanted a relationship with guys who only wanted relations. I bent over backwards to make beer taste like champagne, but it all backfired. Now I'm stuck with all this love to give and no one to give it to. "I fail her over and over again..." Derek Shepherd said that in reference to his relationship with Meredith Grey, but I feel like that so much of the time. It seems that everything I do turns out wrong. I put everything I could into my relationship with Jury Duty Boy, but it failed. I cooked, I cleaned, I gave him some of the most mind-blowing sex known unto man, but he still left me. My job was no better. Even though I was making more money than my own mother, I couldn't keep up with the pace of working nights. They let me go, but I ...

I decided to forgo the pleasure -- wink, wink -- of the gym this morning so I could write this blog. Normally, I wouldn't do that, but in light of the fact that a) my body is in pain after working out Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning, and b) my heart is sore from being so lonely, I decided that writing would serve me better than sweating. I'm a social person by nature. My mom loves to tease me that it's always a party when I'm around. When we go to church, my mom and my best friend usually end up waiting for me by the car because I'm chatting up someone I know afterwards. I even make friends at the gym. All of that has changed now that I'm in California. I'm still the same fun-loving babe I've always been, but I haven't found a community of people to chill with. I know a few people, but most of them already have their lives in place, and they don't have room for me. In addition, people my age are saddled with either a significant other or ki...

If you're a regular reader of this forum, you know I've been going through with my landlord from the beginning of this whole moving fiasco. He hasn't kept his word on anything he promised, and after almost three weeks, I'm STILL living out of my suitcases. This weekend, he expected to get rent from me. While I'm not one to lay up in a place -- any place -- for free, I don't appreciate being subjected to these kind of conditions: After careful consideration, I decided to break the payment into two separate money orders. My plan was to give him half now and half when the work is completed in my apartment. I think that's pretty generous considering the fact that he was supposed to have things ready by the first. When I made my argument to Mr. Wonderful, he seemed to be on the same page. He understood my need to protect myself, and he didn't trip. However, that tuned changed the next day. He said that he was going to get things together, starting with the b...

Why is it so much work to maintain natural hair? I now understand why my mother chose to chemicalize my hair. This stuff is crazy! I don't know if I thought it would be easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard. I thought pressing would be a good thing. And it is. I love the way my hair feels, and I know how to handle it because it's a lot like dealing with a relaxer. However, without the chemicals, this hair will revert the minute it's introduced to sweat. Since I'm working on getting my very own version of Beyonce's body, that could pose a problem. To combat that, I thought I'd try to wear my hair in its curly state. That's where the problems began to appear. See, if it had all been extra curly, I would've been okay. What I wasn't ready for was the Mane of Many Textures. This Mane of Many Textures has plenty of curly areas, but the ones that wearing me out are the straight ones. Yes, I said straight. The very back of my hair and some points ...

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a couple of announcements to make... First of all, as of Friday, April 25, 2008, I am no longer a member in good standing of Weave Nation. That, for me, is a big deal, but not as big as this next one... My hair and I have now gone completely natural. If you've ever grown out a relaxer, you know exactly what this means. I have been a slave to the lye since my mother first applied it to my hair when I was in the fifth grade. Even though I've admired my natural sisters, I was afraid to leave the chemicals behind. How would I look? What would people think? When I moved to California last year, I found out that the majority of my sisters out here don't even wear relaxers. That's thanks to a wonderful thing called a humidity-free climate. Their hair looked just as silky as mine did, but without the lye I was so addicted to. I decided to join them in their naturalness. I started off with two-strand twists last year, and moved into Weave Nation. I l...

Since Mother's Day is right around the corner, I want to celebrate the women who've made me who I am today... First of all, I have to thank my dear mother for actually bringing me into the world. She was a 19-year-old college student who conceived me before single motherhood was cool. While I was born before Roe vs. Wade would make aborting babies a legal practice, there were plenty of back alley types who would've been all too glad to help a young girl who was in trouble. We've not seen eye-to-eye on everything, but I'm so lucky to have such a great cheerleader in my corner. My grandmother, may she rest in peace, was my first friend and my best magic. She took care of me while my mom completed her teaching degree. Even though she's gone on to Glory, the lessons she's taught me will stay with me for the rest of my life. Ms. Spencer was my eighth grade English teacher, and she was the first person outside my family to compliment my writing. She saw something ...

I heard from my ex-boyfriend. The last time we spoke was in July of last year. It was basically me yelling at him and crying, and I promised myself I'd never speak to him again. I never thought I'd feel that way... We met while doing jury duty in the Bronx. He was sitting behind me, and when I turned around to see who I'd be serving with, I looked right into his eyes and he smiled at me. I thought he was cute, but he wasn't anywhere near my type. I usually go for short, skinny, nerdy guys who don't appeal to the masses. This guy was well over six feet and huge. When I showed up for the first day of my month-long sentence, I ended up sitting next to him. After chatting all morning, I told him, "Even though I'm an independent woman, I won't be offended if you want to buy me lunch." He laughed, and that was the beginning of our jury-duty courtship. Even though I was attracted to him, I wanted to take it slow. When he'd walk me home at the end of e...

I consider myself to be an easy-going kinda girl. I try to live by Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men." Having said that, I'm about to start raising Cain in my new apartment. As I said before, my landlord -- who happens to be the brother of a friend of mine -- didn't have my apartment ready when he said he would. He told me that it was his intention to have the place ready by the first. It's now the 8th, and it's not any closer to being ready than it was last week. I'm trying to be patient, but it's getting harder and harder every day. In the landlord's defense, he's having health problems. He was recently diagnosed with diabetes. I've never had to deal with a potentially fatal situation, but I don't think it's easy. My guess is that he's been sick all along and didn't realize what was wrong with him. In addition, he had the flu last weekend. As if that weren't bad en...

Sex. I love it. You love it. We all love getting down and dirty with someone special. However, I'm going through a drought. I haven't known a man in six months. That's not good. I'm too old not to have regular relations, but it's inevitable since I'm not married and I'm not in a significant relationship. When I finally got out of the Interesting Distraction situation, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't distribute my goodies to anyone who didn't understand the goodness of me. I'm tired of making someone else feel good only to end up feeling bad about myself because I've allowed them to diminish me. When Granny died, I decided that I didn't want to relate to anyone in my naked time because I didn't want her to see me. As far as I'm concerned, she's in Heaven watching over me. The last thing I want to subject her to is porn. Before you decide to call the nice young men in the clean white coats for me, I know it...

There's a story about a man who had a cross to bear. He carried it around, but complained the whole time. He went to God and said, "Lord, please take this cross from me." The Lord showed him a door and said, "Go in that room and choose any cross you'd like." The man was so excited! He went in the room and began to look around. There were crosses of every size and shape, and they were huge! The man finally picked up a small cross that was propped up by the door. God told him, "That's the same one you walked in with!" That story sums up how I feel right now. Life has a way of showing you that no matter how monumental your problems seem to you, they are insignificant in the general scheme of things. Today I got a call from a friend of mine. She told me that one of our other friends, who was due to deliver her first child via C-section on Mother's Day, had lost her baby. Even though I'm not close to this particular friend, I was ...

Man, it's a good thing I'm a woman of faith. If not, I'd be ready to have a Fabuloso Freeze right about now.* Just when things started looking good on the home front, my car decides to die. I went to church today, and service was pretty good. The Bishop's scriptural reference was 2 Timothy 1:10-14. Paul was telling Timothy that even though he'd suffered for the sake of the gospel, he wasn't ashamed. His exact words were, "For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day." Bishop was saying that when things look their worst, God is just working them out for our good. He also mentioned that we can't just think, we have to KNOW, in whom we believe. I was on my way home after picking up the rest of my stuff from my former neighbor's van. My car had been acting funny when I left for church, but I didn't really know what to think. As far as cars are concerned, my philosophy is t...

I'm a thankful person today. Even though I've been through the storm AND the rain, I'm on the other side of the worst of it. I'm in my apartment and although it's not perfect, it's so much better than the alternatives. To catch you up, my wonderful friend who let me sleep on her couch really tripped out on me. She decided after four days that she needed some "me" time. To say I was hurt would be a gross understatement. She offered her home to me -- I didn't ask. However, I'll never stay where I'm not wanted, so I got my stuff and bounced. That was bad, but what happened next was even worse. As I'm driving around trying to figure out where in the world I could go, I get a call from my wonderful cousin. She said, "Wow, you sound depressed. What's wrong?". When I told her, she said, "Well, you can stay with [her boyfriend's] mother." Maybe I'm crazy, but I've always believed that family should take care ...

If you've keeping up with my situation, you know that I've been going through it. This particular entry was created last week (4/24/08), and this is the first time I've been able to post it. Enjoy... Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do. It’s bad enough not to have any place to call your own, but when people don’t even try to understand what you’re going through, it really makes you wonder. I’m currently camping out on my homegirl’s couch because my apartment won’t be ready until the 1st. She has been kind enough to let me stay since my money is funny and my wonderful cousin doesn’t have room for me. As you can imagine, I’m not handling this very well. I’m used to being the one helping people, so it’s a different feeling to be on the other end of this situation. I’m doing the very best I can to stay positive, but it’s hard. My tears are always just below the surface, and my patience is very thin. Tonight, though, was supposed to be special. It was the fir...