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Hearing From "The Ex"

I heard from my ex-boyfriend. The last time we spoke was in July of last year. It was basically me yelling at him and crying, and I promised myself I'd never speak to him again. I never thought I'd feel that way...

We met while doing jury duty in the Bronx. He was sitting behind me, and when I turned around to see who I'd be serving with, I looked right into his eyes and he smiled at me. I thought he was cute, but he wasn't anywhere near my type. I usually go for short, skinny, nerdy guys who don't appeal to the masses. This guy was well over six feet and huge.

When I showed up for the first day of my month-long sentence, I ended up sitting next to him. After chatting all morning, I told him, "Even though I'm an independent woman, I won't be offended if you want to buy me lunch." He laughed, and that was the beginning of our jury-duty courtship.

Even though I was attracted to him, I wanted to take it slow. When he'd walk me home at the end of each day, he'd give me a forehead kiss at the door before going to his house because I wouldn't let him come inside my place. After about a week, I let him into the hall, where we shared our first kiss. He wanted to come up to my apartment for sex, but I told him I didn't want to sleep with him until we could make love.

With our attraction growing by leaps and bounds every day, it was only a matter of time before we actually went on a real date. Since his money was tight, I suggested we take the Tram to Roosevelt Island. It was a warm summer night, and being on the water was not only cool, but romantic. We walked along the shore and talked about everything under the sun -- or the moon, as it were. I told him how much it meant to me to be with someone special. He agreed, but since he'd just gotten out of a situation, he just wanted to chill for a minute. Still, he couldn't deny that he had feelings for me and wanted to pursue something more.

We talked about how our friendship would change once jury duty was over. At the time, I was working nights and he was doing days. I didn't know how it could work for us, but he told me that if we wanted it bad enough, we could do it.

We finally made magic during the last week of jury duty. He was the best lover I'd ever had -- caring, tender, and skillful. He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and I did my best to reciprocate. It was so good that he didn't go home for three days. He'd just take a shower and put the same clothes back on.

When civil service was over, we still spent as much time together as possible. His money was still tight, so we went to the movies on occasion, but mostly we watched a lot of TV and made a lot of magic. I'm not the domestic diva, but I would cook for him so we wouldn't have to go out. I thought I was in Heaven.

Of course, things weren't perfect. There were several things about my income and lifestyle I didn't want to discuss with him. I was working two jobs and making about three times as much as he was. Therefore, I didn't think it was unreasonable to send my clothes to the laundry, and to have a cleaning lady. However, I didn't want to talk to him about it because he was an old-fashioned guy who believed that his woman should keep the house and cook and stuff.

In addition, he had a baby mama that was way too close for comfort in my book. Their son was about six years old, and she wasn't making him pay child support. Call me crazy, but the only time I've ever known a woman not to pursue financial aid for a baby is when she's still with the child's father. He swore to me that they were just cool for the sake of the baby, but he would stay at her house when he was keeping the child.

Despite these things, we were still the best of friends. He was sweet to me, and I always felt protected when I was with him. He told me that he had more fun with me than with anyone he'd ever been with. We were so cool that we didn't have to do anything special when we were together. We even had fun in some not-so-fun situations.

Naturally, reality soon set in. I wanted more than he was willing to give. Even though I was his girlfriend when I was screaming his name in ecstasy, I wasn't when I wanted a commitment. I watched this sweet, caring, tender man turn into a selfish, self-centered lowlife right before my eyes. The sex even stopped being good. In the end, we became two people who were going in two very different directions. We had a massive fight before I left New York, and I ended up un-inviting him to my going-away party because I didn't want my friends to see me screaming and crying.

And so today he called. I didn't pick up. Instead, I sent a text message telling him to leave me alone. He sent one back saying he knew he'd messed up and he wanted to make it right because he still considers me a friend. I told him that I may be his friend, but he's not mine and I don't want to have anything to do with him. I also forgave him and told him to move on. I hope he finally got the message.


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