Skip to main content

What Can I Do?

New Boo doesn't realize how much I love him. He doesn't see how much I sacrifice to be with him. I'm a social butterfly who loves to be out and about. Now that we're together, I'm with HIM. And I'm not mad about that at all. I love being with him -- hands down. But his jealousy colors everything, and there's only so much I can take.

I've been blessed to have a job that doesn't really require me to leave the house. So I'm home. A lot. I usually piddle around the house, or cook, or work. If possible, I like to have dinner ready when he gets home. Sometimes I like to kick it with my friends. We usually go have appetizers and drinks at our favorite spot on the Upper West Side. We dish on what's going on with us and go on our merry way.

I did this on Friday. Being the good girlfriend I am, I left dinner cooking low and slow in the oven. What did New Boo do? He hung out with his friends. When he finished, he went to Brooklyn to deal with the last of his stuff. All of this was cool. But when he came home, why did he ask me who'd been here with me. I said no one, and he looked like he didn't believe me.

Listen, if I wanted to cheat on him, I could. I may not be drop dead gorgeous, but I get my fair share of play from guys. But I'm not about that life. I'm about the life we're trying to build together. Why he thinks I'd do anything to jeopardize that is beyond me. And it's painful.

I love him and what we have more than life itself. But it's so hard to constantly be accused of cheating. It's like he's calling me a slut on the low, and it's painful. I feel like I'm being jerked around in a crazy way because one minute, he's accusing me of cheating and the next, he's asking me about rings.

I swear I love him. I do. And I want him to get past this. I need him to think as highly of me as I think of him. What can I do?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.