Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

I'm upset with myself right now. I never thought things would get this bad, but they have. I've come to a point where I really don't know what I'm going to do about my bills. Let me back up for those of you who really don't know. My career has taken some interesting turns since I've been in California -- mostly for the bad. Most recently, I was forced to leave the job I had teaching radio to children because they wanted to drop me down from 25 hours a week to 12. Since I lived a good 45 minutes from the job, it wasn't cost-effective for me to make the drive. For the majority of 2009, I've been surviving on one part-time paycheck. Unfortunately, ALL of my bills are full-time. That has put me in a crazy bind because I really don't have anyone to depend on. When I was in NYC, my family depended on me for any extras. Now that I don't have anything, I'm pretty much on my own. Thankfully, Mr. Wonderful has been in my corner, and he's as helpful...

We had just picked up our dinner. As I was unpacking everything to see if it was all in place, I noticed something missing. I turned to him and said, "Babe, I think they forgot your dressing." He wasn't phased at all, saying, "Oh, they probably put it on the salad." Sure enough, upon further examination, it was. I put on my tough-girl persona and playfully told him that I'd go up there and rough 'em up if they'd messed up his food. He laughed and said, "I love you!" To say I was outdone would be an understatement. Here we are playing around, and he says the three most important words in the English language. Since I wasn't sure if he was being serious, I just decided to be cool about it. I gave him a hug, kissed him on the cheek, and said, "I love you, too." Now I'm wondering if I handled it the right way. What if he really was just playing? Then I've shown my hand. If he was serious, I may have understated the moment ...

As I delve deeper and deeper into this thing called a relationship, I wonder what's supposed to happen. How does it progress from being a like thing to a love thing? When do you cross the line, and how can you tell? My guy and I have been going strong since the end of January, and I'm loving every minute of it. And trust me when I tell you, I don't quite know how to handle it. He's still just as kind, just as sweet, and just as considerate as he's always been. In fact, the longer we stay together, it seems like he improves every day. At this point, I don't know that there's anything he won't do to help me feel comfortable and cared for. That's not to say he's perfect by any stretch of the imagination. After all, he's human just like me. But his humanity is coexisting with mine in a way I never thought was possible. It's got me questioning that thing called forever. As in, 'Am I seeing a real possibility of forever in him?...

What can I say about my new Mr. Wonderful? He's the most awesome guy I've met in a long time. This man is everything I've ever needed but never thought I wanted. He's thoughtful, kind, considerate, and attentive without being overbearing. He makes me feel safe and cared-for and he treats me like a lady. The funny part is that I met him while on my way to see Mr. Wright back in January. I was at the airport waiting to check my bag. As I stood there, this guy bypassed all of us to check his luggage. I'm guessing he checked in at home and thought he could circumvent the line. As the clerk directed him to the end, I thought to myself, That's right! Who do YOU think YOU are, trying to get out of this torture! The man in front of me turned around, took one look at me, and laughed out loud. He said, "Man, Black women can't hide anything on their faces!" I was so caught off-guard that I immediately started giggling. The conversation was really...

***Okay...I know that it's been well over a month since we celebrated Valentine's Day. However, I thought this post was worth sharing even now. Enjoy!*** Today is the day we celebrate love. Well, at least that's what all the diamond, greeting card, and chocolate pushers would like for us to believe. We get all geeked up to show everyone how much care for each other. My question is why? Maybe I'm crazy, but I'd much rather know that someone loved me on a day-to-day basis as opposed to having a dramatic show of unattainable affection one day out of the year. I just think that this day makes some single women think they're missing out on something wonderful. As for me, I'm finally happy with my life and who I am. If someone wants to love me, that's great. After all, I'm a really good idea. If they decide against loving me, I'm okay because I know it's not my fault.

I've met someone. He's not someone I'd normally date, but he's really something special. He's older than I am. There are more years between us than a few, but we're still able to relate to each other. I've never been with a man who makes feel as safe and cared for as this one. He opens doors for me. He makes room for me at his house and in his life. He includes me in his plans. And he thinks I'm beautiful. Will this romance last? I don't know. What I do know is that I'm enjoying him. And for now, that's all that matters...

Today is the one-year anniversary of Granny's death. Even though I thought I'd be emotional, I'm really not. I still miss her. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she won't come back. I'm still angry that she left me here. But at this moment, I'm okay. Of course, it hasn't been easy to get to this place. The last 366 days have been spent trying to learn how to negotiate a world that doesn't include my first friend and best magic. There are questions I'd love to ask her, but now I'll just have to rely on the knowledge she imparted to me while she was here. My heart still hurts when I see old women. Whether it's on television or out and about in public, the sight of them reminds me of my dear Granny. And if little children are in any way involved, it's almost too much for me to bear. It's not that it's particularly painful, but it just reminds me of what I've lost. And actually, that's not even an a...