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Getting Ready for My Closeup

So many things are on my mind. I don't really know where to start.

The play is tomorrow. I was supposed to sing three songs, but my voice has refused to cooperate. Now I'm singing one. That's cool because I'm really nervous. The thing that hurts me is that my schedule hasn't allowed me to put forth my finest effort. I don't like not being perfect.

What's really funny is that I spend my days teaching children that they don't have to be perfect -- they just have to try.

This is what was on my mind Saturday night. I was a nervous wreck, to say the least. Fortunately, the play went off without a hitch. The audience loved it, and my song went well. Even though I forgot a few of my lines, it was cool.

After everything was said and done, I learned some very important lessons from this situation:

1. When you're under attack, your mind is the battlefield.
If I tell you everything I've ever feared -- not being desirable, not being talented, etc. -- ran across my mind the day and night before, I only say it because it's true. It was absolutely awful. It got so bad that I started not to show up. However...

2. Most times, the thing you fear never happens.I was so afraid that I was going to stink up the stage. In the end, I wasn't the only one who forgot his or her lines.

3. If you make an effort, God will make up the difference.
The song was the hairy part of the situation. Like I said before, I'd been having so much trouble with my voice, the director had cut me from three songs to one. After I spent all day practicing the song I thought I was going to sing, I was asked to do another one. While I would've gone through all manners of panic, God had calmed me down to a point where it just didn't matter. I went over the song in my head and was quite calm. When it came up in the scene, the music that was SUPPOSED to start didn't. I waited for a brief second and started doing the acappella thing. It ended up being some of my finest work.

All in all, it was a good experience -- AND I got paid. I'm thankful because a) I really need the money, and b) my inner performer has been awakened. Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my closeup...


Angie-Nuvision said…
Great! I'm glad that you were able to overcome that fear and just do it. Fear can be a b!tch at times. I'm glad that you stood up on the inside and ignored fear's false assumptions and the imaginary possibilities that it uses to seduce you to not do or to do something.
It's a good thing that you didn't allow fear to control you. Like I wrote in one of my post... I'm the damn boss. I make the decisions. I refuse to let a feeling that is not even grounded on real possibilities lead and guide me any more. And that's truth!
MackDiva said…
Angela, you are so right. I'm right there with you, sista! And I'm thankful that you took the time to comment. (smile)

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