Skip to main content

The Return of MackDiva

Have you ever felt like you were destined for greatness? It's like your potential is bubbling right under your skin, but releasing it would be too painful an endeavor. That's how I'm feeling today. I'm so desperate to expose my true self that I'm willing to slit my wrists and let it flow out.

Okay, before you start calling those nice young men in their clean white coats to take me away, hear me out. I'm stuck in two dead-end jobs and I feel like I'm gonna scream. My radio gig is cool, but I don't see any room for advancement. That doesn't sit well with me at all.

My teaching gig has the potential to be satisfying, but it's not. I have a boss who'd rather not be in his position, and kids who really don't want to learn. I sometimes think we need to crack their heads open and pour the knowledge inside. While there are some really good kids here, I don't necessarily think I have what it takes to get them where they need to be. In addition, I'm tired of the pettiness of the workplace.

Radio is one of the most volatile professions in the free world. With media mergers happening left and right, job security is obsolete. Since it's the only thing I've done for the past ten years, I'm feeling very stuck. Mind you, I've explored more options in the field than a lot of people have, but it's not enough.

With all that being said, my breakthrough is on the way. God is opening so many doors for me now that I've done the play. For one, I've met some really cool actors and singers who respect my talent, and I'm going to be working with one of my co-stars on her debut album. Pretty cool, huh?

More importantly, my confidence is slowly but surely being restored. My friends would probably be surprised to know just how insecure I can be -- especially when it comes to my gifts. When I was in high school, one of my nicknames was Whitney Dallas. However, as the years have passed, I've been feeling like my dreams of musical stardom were unattainable. Performing in Uncle Fletcher's Money has given me hope in my abilities again.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more