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I hate being level-headed. You know how people love to say, "Let cooler heads prevail?" I'm usually that one. Before I blow up and lose my cool, I try to look at a situation from all angles. After all, most people aren't trying to intentionally hurt you, right? So I'm the one who analyzes a situation to death before burying my anger. And every time I do it, a part of me dies. I do it with my mom, my brother, and now that it's time to do it for Mr. Wonderful, I'm tired.

Let me explain...

Mr. Wonderful is going through a lot right now. In addition to be almost out of work, he's lost his dad this month. Now his daughter is getting ready to make him a grandfather. We all know that any one of those situations has the power to make a grown man cry, and all of them together can be devastating. Trust me, I get that.

However, I have needs that must be attended to. While he's going through this stuff, his physical interest in me hasn't been what it used to be. Okay...I don't like it, but I get it. Even though I tend to drown my pain in sex, I get that other people don't.

Now here's where it gets hairy for me. Mr. Wonderful -- like so many men I know -- likes porn. For the most part, I'm not bothered by that. Guys like to look at naked women. But I have a real problem when I'm here, and you'd rather look at Internet chicks.

What am I supposed to do? I can't compete with those girls -- at least not yet. ;) I'm working out, but I'm beginning to think my fat has launched an all-out war against me. In addition, I'm currently weaveless, which means I'm not looking cute 24 hours a day. And I'm still jobless, which means that I can't afford to get my nails, feet, and hair done as often as I'm accustomed to.

It's not easy to admit your shortcomings or even deal with them on a regular basis. The last thing I need is to think that the man I love doesn't want me. And that's what I felt like when I walked in naked and saw him watching a flick on his computer screen.

I looked at him incredulously and said, "Really?" before turning on my heels and walking out. I got in bed, and tried to rationalize the situation. I wanted to be cool about it because I would like to think he was just being stupid. And he was, believe me. But since I'm always thinking and doing things to keep him happy, I just wish he would do the same for me.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…