Skip to main content

Random Thoughts...

I started writing this blog so that I could say what I needed to say. I wanted a way to get thoughts, feelings, and observations out without having to quantify or qualify them. It was basically a way for me to talk to myself without looking crazy.

Now that I've publicized it to several friends, I feel like I have to censor myself. While some of my other bloggers want people to read their stuff, that was never the goal for me. At least not at first.

Anyway...I said all that to say that there are things that I need to say because they're weighing on my heart. In no particular order...

1. Mr. Wonderful and I are going to Texas for Thanksgiving. I'd love to say that I'm excited, but I'm not. I'm freakin' terrified! My mom and my friends have never had to share me, and I don't know how they'll handle it. I'm especially concerned about my best friend. I've been his beard for as long as I can remember, and I just hope he'll be able to be happy for me now that I actually have a man.

2. I'm debating on cutting my hair. And I'm not talking about a trim. I'm thinking about whacking it off to where my curls start. We're talking maybe an inch or two. My brother told me he could do it, but I'm concerned that my brand of cute won't carry without hair.

3. I still don't have a job. At this point, it's hard for me to remember what I'm actually good at. My confidence is waning, and it's getting harder and harder to remember what I can do.

4. I'll celebrate another birthday next Sunday. Even though I'm happy to have someone to celebrate with, I don't know why I'd want to. I'll be one day closer to 40 with no job prospects, no savings, and more debt that I care to mention.

Okay...that's all for now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.