Skip to main content

On the Outside Looking In...Again...

I found out a few weeks ago that a former coworker is getting married. She's in her 20s, and I'm not sure how long she and her man have been dating. On the other hand, a current coworker, who's been with his girlfriend for less than a year, announced his engagement today. He and his girl are older and decided that waiting wasn't an option.

Understand that I'm extremely happy for both of them. I am. But it leads me to one question...

What's wrong with me?

Mr. Wonderful and I broke up after I found out definitively that he has no interest in marriage and family...at least not with me. And I wasn't willing to settle for being his PYT forever. I put in almost two years worth of my blood, sweat, and tears into that relationship. And I'd rather know now and be a little hurt than for us to be together for three, four, or 10 years.

Although I didn't get the ring, I did get a lot of knowledge. I know myself better and I know what I want. I also gained some insight into what really goes on in relationships.

But if I'm honest with myself, I'm still a little hurt. What is it about me that ultimately makes me unmarriable? Am I too honest? Not honest enough? Maybe I need to be more domestic and not focus on my career so much. Or maybe I'm just destined to forever be the cool homegirl.

Oh, well...back to the drawing board...

Comments

Mo said…
Miko... I am right there. I have come to a distant realization that I will be 40 in June and I may never marry. I have 2 babies and feel like I am unmarriable. Everytime I see couples of people that I know and the fact that they are having babies, living their lives in "bliss" I shutter...they did it the right way....wow
January 7, 2011 at 3:23:00 PM EST
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more