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I Own My Tears

I own my tears.

I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you.

Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud...

I own my tears.

New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life.

I own my tears.

I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you know what?

I own my tears.

I heard once that grief is the price you pay for love. And I loved him. I still do. Therefore, I get to feel however I want to feel. I get to cry as much as I want, for as long as I want, and I get to do it until I get tired.

I own my tears.

Comments

JB said…
You do. Take as long as you need because if you don't it'll still be there under the surface anyway. Someone once told me that you can't get around difficult things, that you have to go through them.

Make your own way through, in your own time.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

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Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

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