Skip to main content
I was loved.

I was thinking about my life this time last year. I was reflecting on how so much could change in 365 days.

My heart was safe. I thought I was participating in the definitive relationship of my life. I can see the stars that were sparkling in my eyes, and I loved it.

People probably thought I was crazy. After all, who invests their everything in Macy's salesperson? That would be me. He made me feel like I could fly.

I was loved.

Today I'm in California keeping my friend's son. He's looking at me as my eyes well up with tears. I can't explain it to him, and fortunately, he's not a perceptive enough child to care that I'm broken. All he knows is that I'm going to take him to daycare.

I was loved.

I promise you that I won't wallow today. Inasmuch as I want to, I won't. I honestly don't have the time or the energy to devote to mourning my wasted affection again. Instead, I will do my best to celebrate the fact that no matter what, there was a time in my life that I was looked at with loving eyes...touched with gentle hands...held with strong arms.

Today is a new day. I am still loved. Just not by him. And while I hate that more than I can express, I accept it. It's not my fault. I did all I could do to sustain the love I felt...that I still feel...that I may never stop feeling.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...