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Success

"I just wanna be, I just wanna be successful..." -Drake

I know that success means different things to different people. For some, it means lots of money. For others, a sense of security. For still others, it means a happy family and great relationships.

Me? I want all of that. And more.

I'm working and watching "The Devil Wears Prada." There's one scene where Miranda talks about her impending divorce. She looks so pitiful as she talks about losing another husband.

I do not want that. I want to have love in my life. I want to have it all.

Of course, at this point, I don't know if that includes children. I want them, but as my 45th birthday approaches, I don't know that babies will be in the cards for me.

I want a husband, too, even though I was told that marriage is out of style. We shall see.

What I do know is that whatever is for me will be mine.

While I don't know what the future holds, I know I have to trust in what God has. Even if I can't see it. Even if it seems like it's not coming. Even if it hurts.

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My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

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I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.