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A Choice

I am deciding to be happy. Again.

Even though I love New Boo, he does NOT love me. Even though I'm concerned about New Boo, he is NOT concerned about me. And as much as he SAID he wanted us to be friends, I see that he was just giving me lip service. And that's okay.

He and I are not a we, and we will never be again. As much as I hate that, I have to come to grips with it and move on. He certainly has. And that's okay.

Now it's my turn.

So I'm choosing to look at our time together as a good thing. I learned a lot from our relationship. I learned that contrary to popular belief, I CAN live with people. I can cook, and I can clean. I know how to make a house a home, and I can be domestic. That was huge for me.

Am I ready for marriage? I think so, but I know I have a lot to learn. But I'm well on my way after my time with New Boo. I think I've what to do and what NOT to do.

And please know -- I'm still undone. I'm still brokenhearted. And I'm still not myself. But you know what? I am doing my best to put myself back together again.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

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