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No Mas

It's official. I do not want Ole Miss in my life.

We went out on our second date. He was kind, sweet, and everything a girl could want in a date. But I don't want him. In addition to the fact that he looks and acts old, I'm not attracted to him. End of story.

In fact, last night's date proved that I don't want to date at all.

We went to see The Intern. He wanted to see The Martian, but I don't like sci-fi, and I wasn't in the mood for something too heavy in light of all that I've been going through. In addition, I kinda guilted him into it because he didn't ask what I wanted to see.

Anyway, we're watching the film and all I could think about is how much I missed New Boo. At one point, a guy cheated on his wife, and I almost went into hysterics. It was so bad that I was almost sobbing. Thankfully, the theater was dark and he didn't seem to notice the meltdown.

Afterwards, we went to IHOP. Again, I realized I didn't want him touching me in any way, and I was just not feeling anything toward him. It was funny -- when he picked me up, he got out of the car in the rain to open my door. When he dropped me off, I gave him a hug and he let me get out alone.

I think that'll be the last time I see him because he didn't text me to make sure he got home, and he didn't answer my call this morning. Not that I expected him to, nor did I really want him to. Ugh.

I sent New Boo a text yesterday that he didn't answer. I sent him another this morning. If he doesn't answer that -- and I'm pretty sure he won't -- I'll move on. For real this time. I'll just pack up my heart and lock it away in the safe reserved for all my precious thoughts and feelings and try to forget about it all. Even though I don't know if I can do it in my own strength.

Now I see why people don't rush to fall in love. It's too damn painful.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.