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No Mas

It's official. I do not want Ole Miss in my life.

We went out on our second date. He was kind, sweet, and everything a girl could want in a date. But I don't want him. In addition to the fact that he looks and acts old, I'm not attracted to him. End of story.

In fact, last night's date proved that I don't want to date at all.

We went to see The Intern. He wanted to see The Martian, but I don't like sci-fi, and I wasn't in the mood for something too heavy in light of all that I've been going through. In addition, I kinda guilted him into it because he didn't ask what I wanted to see.

Anyway, we're watching the film and all I could think about is how much I missed New Boo. At one point, a guy cheated on his wife, and I almost went into hysterics. It was so bad that I was almost sobbing. Thankfully, the theater was dark and he didn't seem to notice the meltdown.

Afterwards, we went to IHOP. Again, I realized I didn't want him touching me in any way, and I was just not feeling anything toward him. It was funny -- when he picked me up, he got out of the car in the rain to open my door. When he dropped me off, I gave him a hug and he let me get out alone.

I think that'll be the last time I see him because he didn't text me to make sure he got home, and he didn't answer my call this morning. Not that I expected him to, nor did I really want him to. Ugh.

I sent New Boo a text yesterday that he didn't answer. I sent him another this morning. If he doesn't answer that -- and I'm pretty sure he won't -- I'll move on. For real this time. I'll just pack up my heart and lock it away in the safe reserved for all my precious thoughts and feelings and try to forget about it all. Even though I don't know if I can do it in my own strength.

Now I see why people don't rush to fall in love. It's too damn painful.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…