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Keeping the Music Playing...

"How do you keep the music playing..."

I can honestly admit that watching last night's edition of Scandal jacked me up. When she pulled out the James Ingram-Patti Austin hit, I completely dissolved in a river of tears. Especially when Mellie asked him, "What have you ever sacrificed for me?"

One of the last discussions I had with New Boo involved me asking him to fight for us. He told me that his depression and fear had basically destroyed his love for me. I told him that I was scared, too, but I fought my fears for the sake of our relationship. I pushed down my doubts because I loved him so much. I basically battled myself for the sake of US, and I couldn't understand why he didn't give me that much consideration.

I think when breakups happen, it's not the fights you have about the symptoms of the sickness. It's the lack of fight you have with the ultimate killers of your love that make it ugly. When you realize the person you've put everything aside for can't or won't do it for you, it's soul-crushing.

As sad as all of that is, moving on from it is mandatory.

And while things look dark at first, the beauty of it is that music WILL play again. It has to.

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My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

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That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.