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On the Outside Looking In...Again...

I found out a few weeks ago that a former coworker is getting married. She's in her 20s, and I'm not sure how long she and her man have been dating. On the other hand, a current coworker, who's been with his girlfriend for less than a year, announced his engagement today. He and his girl are older and decided that waiting wasn't an option.

Understand that I'm extremely happy for both of them. I am. But it leads me to one question...

What's wrong with me?

Mr. Wonderful and I broke up after I found out definitively that he has no interest in marriage and family...at least not with me. And I wasn't willing to settle for being his PYT forever. I put in almost two years worth of my blood, sweat, and tears into that relationship. And I'd rather know now and be a little hurt than for us to be together for three, four, or 10 years.

Although I didn't get the ring, I did get a lot of knowledge. I know myself better and I know what I want. I also gained some insight into what really goes on in relationships.

But if I'm honest with myself, I'm still a little hurt. What is it about me that ultimately makes me unmarriable? Am I too honest? Not honest enough? Maybe I need to be more domestic and not focus on my career so much. Or maybe I'm just destined to forever be the cool homegirl.

Oh, well...back to the drawing board...

Comments

Mo said…
Miko... I am right there. I have come to a distant realization that I will be 40 in June and I may never marry. I have 2 babies and feel like I am unmarriable. Everytime I see couples of people that I know and the fact that they are having babies, living their lives in "bliss" I shutter...they did it the right way....wow

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