Skip to main content

On the Outside Looking In...Again...

I found out a few weeks ago that a former coworker is getting married. She's in her 20s, and I'm not sure how long she and her man have been dating. On the other hand, a current coworker, who's been with his girlfriend for less than a year, announced his engagement today. He and his girl are older and decided that waiting wasn't an option.

Understand that I'm extremely happy for both of them. I am. But it leads me to one question...

What's wrong with me?

Mr. Wonderful and I broke up after I found out definitively that he has no interest in marriage and family...at least not with me. And I wasn't willing to settle for being his PYT forever. I put in almost two years worth of my blood, sweat, and tears into that relationship. And I'd rather know now and be a little hurt than for us to be together for three, four, or 10 years.

Although I didn't get the ring, I did get a lot of knowledge. I know myself better and I know what I want. I also gained some insight into what really goes on in relationships.

But if I'm honest with myself, I'm still a little hurt. What is it about me that ultimately makes me unmarriable? Am I too honest? Not honest enough? Maybe I need to be more domestic and not focus on my career so much. Or maybe I'm just destined to forever be the cool homegirl.

Oh, well...back to the drawing board...

Comments

Mo said…
Miko... I am right there. I have come to a distant realization that I will be 40 in June and I may never marry. I have 2 babies and feel like I am unmarriable. Everytime I see couples of people that I know and the fact that they are having babies, living their lives in "bliss" I shutter...they did it the right way....wow
January 7, 2011 at 3:23:00 PM EST
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...
5 comments
Read more

A Middle Aged Rant

I am single. I’ve never had a husband. I’ve never given birth to a child. I’ve never lived with a man over six months. I am 54. I’m not classically pretty. I’m overweight. I’m not very tall. My brother says I’m a unicorn. My friends are kind enough not to make me feel small. My mother mentions in passing that she wants me to find a husband. I try not to be sad about my state. I’ve lived a life that some would find enviable. I had my dream job, met and interviewed great people, made great friends, and traveled all over the world. I have a new career that I find oddly fulfilling. Men don’t always like that. Some of them are jealous because I’m not easily impressed. Some are jealous because I’ve done things they haven’t. Some are jealous because I’ve lived on both coasts. I don’t know what to do. I can’t change my life – not that I want to. I can’t change my past – not that I want to. I can’t change myself –not that I want to. I just want someone to see me, not the image I present. I want...
Post a Comment
Read more