Skip to main content
There's always that one. The one person you'd change your entire life for if they asked you to. Whether it's the first man you ever loved, the first guy who saw you naked, or the first man to bring you flowers, if he said, "Marry me, and travel with me around the world," you'd quit your job and hop on the first thing smoking.

Alas, I haven't met him yet. Actually...that's not true. I have met him. But he doesn't want me. So rather than admit that the one guy I'd leave it all for wouldn't be caught dead with me, I say we don't know each other.

I read an article this week that I found to be very informative. It was talking about how men will use any woman who allows herself to be used. And while I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I don't want that kind of life, I recognized myself in all those women. I've been there. And there are times (like today) when it would be nice to have someone around...even if they're using me.

Just in case you're wondering, this is one of those days where I'm watching Sex & The City reruns and wishing my life were different. Wishing that I had someone in my life who'd love me enough to come get me. And I miss my friends. Quiet as it's kept, when a woman has friends to commiserate with, she's usually much less lonely than when she's completely by herself.

This makes Year 4 in LA, and I still have no one to call for brunch on Sunday afternoon who's willing to chat, eat, and get crazy drunk with me. No running buddy to shop with, or have drinks with, or just chill with. And that's not good. Sometimes you need a person around who'll help you keep the lonely at bay.

So, this is how I'm feeling today. To sum it up, I'm tired of being alone...and I want to have some friends to kick it with. Period, the end.

*And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming*


Anonymous said…
Girl, I hear you on the lonely thing. Friends certainly do help you forget how manless you are. LOL
You need to go ahead and start looking for work back out this way.
I know I could use a "great" friend in TX. Even if yo lived in Dallas, I would be up there all the time.
Can't wait to hear who this man is you would leave it all for. I can't imagine who in the heck you're talking about. LOL
JB said…
Hi! I agree with your friend that where you live can really affect your social life. The local culture is so very different in LA, NYC, and Texas. You might as well be in different countries.

I have to thank you. I've been reading your blog like it's a book. I love your writing, poignant, funny, thought-provoking. You have a real gem in the way you captured President Obama's campaign and inauguration. I've also followed the rest and I love how all of it weaves together.

Thanks and keep writing! jb
Anonymous said…
I just happened to come upon your blog today (while surreptitious avoiding work). I have picked up and moved quite a bit in the last few years, so I can completely understand how you are feelilng. On more occasions than I would like to admit, I have called my mom and said, "if I just had one friend, it would be so much easier". If you haven't tried it yet, you should register for It is a website that lists all sorts of activities by interest (such as running clubs, book groups, french speakers, etc) and it is a great way to make new friends.

Popular posts from this blog

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Now What?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I am having issues right now.

First of all, I'm realizing some things about myself that I really don't like admitting. For one, I am NOT satisfied with My Teddy Bear. Why, you ask? Because sex isn't a priority with him.

Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

MTB doesn't know this. Even though I've always felt this way, I don't talk about it. Most of the guys I know actually want sex. They probably use it the way I do -- as a feel-good situation.

Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…