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Contrary to popular belief, being single isn't the worst thing in the world. It isn't the best thing, either, but I'm okay with it. However, there are times when I wonder how long I'll have to endure this state.

Case in point: I was at choir rehearsal last night. (Just in case you didn't know, I started singing with a new church. It actually inspired a whole new blog.) And most of the people at this church are married with children. While I would've liked to find a place with more singles, I'm happy at this church and I really feel like it's a good fit for me in every other way.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with the choir director's wife, and subject of my marital status -- or lack thereof -- came up. Both she and the choir director think I should be with someone great, but they both agree that it'll be hard for me to find someone. Why? Because I'm intimidating.

Naturally, I wanted to know what makes MackDiva intimidating. I mean, why would any man be intimidated by a woman who's 5'1 on a good day? She told me that a lot of men can't handle my friendly demeanor and sparkling personality, combined with the fact that I'm intelligent. Even her husband said that it would be hard for a man to hang with me conversationally.

Okay...a lot of these things aren't really news to me. I've heard 'em a million times before. However, this time the source wasn't triflin' brothers. My choir director and his wife are some of the sweetest people I've ever met, and I honestly believe they want what's best for me. And I guess that's why it stung a bit more than usual.

I've spent so much time trying to figure who I am and what I want. While I'm still not completely there, I think I'm further along on my journey than I have ever been. And while I'd love to have another Mr. Wonderful to spend time with, I'm not interested in going backwards.

However, here's what I wonder: Have I worked so hard on battling my feelings of inadequacy that I've lost the war?

Comments

JB said…
You DO NOT want to be with someone who isn't right for you and there's no need to try to change who you are. Just glory in your own self and trust. Not easy, I know.

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As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

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