Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

This is still hard. Even though I'm doing my best to move on, I see that my situation is fragile. I don't know why I thought losing you would be easy. I guess in my mind, I didn't realize how much I missed seeing your face. And I didn't realize how much you meant to me. Now that I won't be able to giggle with you again, your true significance is settling in. When I started working for you, I was still trying to navigate a new normal in a new city. You were a friend to me when I didn't have any...and you were sweet to me. Not in the romantic sense, though. Even though I had a massive crush on you, I knew we'd never be like that. Instead, you helped me navigate that first year. I'll never forget how you made the kids say wish me a happy birthday in rap session. You knew I was having a hard time being away from my family, and you did your part to make my day special. And I guess that's what it is...the small ways you made a difference. Did we ...

I am sad. I don't want to be, but this is how it is when people die. I knew you were sick, but who expects a man under 50 to just die -- even if you're battling cancer? And I just found out a couple of months ago. I didn't even have time to live with the idea...much less get to a place where I could accept you dying. I'm still not there. Yet, as I open my eyes to a world you're no longer in, I don't have a choice in the matter. You're gone, and there's nothing I can do about it. So many memories flood my mind... The interview, when you asked me if I could work full-time in the summer and switch to part-time in the fall. I told you, "Sure, if I could move in with you. You seem nice, but I really don't know if we need to live together so soon." We both cracked up, and I knew we'd be friends. After I got the job, I was scared to death at the thought of teaching kids about my passion. But you were confident I could do it...and you did...

My heart is in a crazy place right now. I went home to see my mother for Mother's Day. It wasn't spectacular. I did buy her some stuff and got her a custom-made card from my good friend, Janelle (whose blog is one to watch), but that wasn't anything to write home about. What made it special was that we -- my mom, my brother, and my uncle and his new wife -- were all together. It's no secret that I miss my family, but now that I've been gone over 11 years, it's not an active ache like it used to be. But when we all get together, it's truly a day of rejoicing...at least it is for me. And I remember that I miss those times. On the flip side, one of my best friends lost his father. What's sad about that -- besides the obvious, of course -- is that he and his father never saw eye-to-eye on anything. My friend is an accomplished choir director who's known in choral music circles as one to watch. Yet his father never attended a concert. Meanw...

Osama Bin Laden is dead. Unless you've been under a rock in the middle of the desert with no computer, phone, or TV -- and no human contact whatsoever -- you heard about President Obama's triumph. At his direction, the world's most hated terrorist was killed. While I'm glad to know that justice was served, my question is...now what? I've always believed that our enemies were already here. As in, not in foreign countries. That's why I've always been against the war. I think it's more important to weed out the enemies that are already in the USA. Still, I'm glad that Osama Bin Laden won't be allowed to spread his hate-filled rhetoric anymore. And I'm glad it happened on President Obama's watch. But I think we'd all be remiss to think this thing is over. In fact, I personally think we need to be in prayer. Only God can save us from whatever these grief-stricken terrorists think up now.