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Reflections...

My heart is in a crazy place right now.

I went home to see my mother for Mother's Day. It wasn't spectacular. I did buy her some stuff and got her a custom-made card from my good friend, Janelle (whose blog is one to watch), but that wasn't anything to write home about. What made it special was that we -- my mom, my brother, and my uncle and his new wife -- were all together. It's no secret that I miss my family, but now that I've been gone over 11 years, it's not an active ache like it used to be. But when we all get together, it's truly a day of rejoicing...at least it is for me. And I remember that I miss those times.

On the flip side, one of my best friends lost his father. What's sad about that -- besides the obvious, of course -- is that he and his father never saw eye-to-eye on anything. My friend is an accomplished choir director who's known in choral music circles as one to watch. Yet his father never attended a concert. Meanwhile, Big Poppa was a simple man who owned livestock and loved all things country. My friend, on the other hand, counted himself a city-slick sophisticate who had no time for simple things. In short, their relationship was strained...and now they'll never be able to fix it.

So where does that leave me? On a plane, on my way back to my neat, sanitized little life that revolves around keeping myself together as best I can.

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Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

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