Skip to main content

What a Difference a Year Makes...

I've always believed that revisiting a romantic situation that didn't work was pointless. There's always a reason things don't work out, and for the most part, those reasons don't change.

So why, I ask you, did I find myself at The Baby's house last night?

After our disastrous first date, I didn't really cut him off, but we didn't really hang out again. I would see him around town on occasion, and we'd text every now and then, but nothing major. Then I saw him on Monday, and there was something different about our conversation. He put his arm around me, and it felt good. Then, he was like, "You're looking good. What's up?" Next thing I know, he's asking me to hang out. I was kinda ambivalent, but I didn't rule it out. A few days later, he invited me to "chill" at his house. I probably should've said no, but I didn't. So I went. And I had a good time.

Now what?

It's been a minute since any decent guy paid attention to me -- a year, to be exact. And he was that decent guy. And in the year since we've seen each other, things have definitely changed. He's moved into his own place -- sans roommates -- which is cool. I can see more maturity in him, and he's definitely upgraded his swag. He's also a drummer in a punk rock band.

Meanwhile, I've moved into the underemployed, single, and trying to get my life back in order category. I'm singing again. Taking voice lessons. Got a couple of paid gigs coming up, and I'm really happy about it. I was a music major in school, and it feels good to get back to myself.

Of course, there are some things that haven't changed. He still doesn't have a car, and with his job, he has no clue when he'll be able to afford one. I'm still 12 years older than him, and I want a husband and a family. I still don't think he's ready for all that.

So what does it all mean? I don't know. I think I'll enjoy the moment and not question it...for now.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Out of Time

Time. You always think you have more...until you don't. I'm there.

I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

So here I am, a 46-year-old woman who's run out of time.