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What a Difference a Year Makes...

I've always believed that revisiting a romantic situation that didn't work was pointless. There's always a reason things don't work out, and for the most part, those reasons don't change.

So why, I ask you, did I find myself at The Baby's house last night?

After our disastrous first date, I didn't really cut him off, but we didn't really hang out again. I would see him around town on occasion, and we'd text every now and then, but nothing major. Then I saw him on Monday, and there was something different about our conversation. He put his arm around me, and it felt good. Then, he was like, "You're looking good. What's up?" Next thing I know, he's asking me to hang out. I was kinda ambivalent, but I didn't rule it out. A few days later, he invited me to "chill" at his house. I probably should've said no, but I didn't. So I went. And I had a good time.

Now what?

It's been a minute since any decent guy paid attention to me -- a year, to be exact. And he was that decent guy. And in the year since we've seen each other, things have definitely changed. He's moved into his own place -- sans roommates -- which is cool. I can see more maturity in him, and he's definitely upgraded his swag. He's also a drummer in a punk rock band.

Meanwhile, I've moved into the underemployed, single, and trying to get my life back in order category. I'm singing again. Taking voice lessons. Got a couple of paid gigs coming up, and I'm really happy about it. I was a music major in school, and it feels good to get back to myself.

Of course, there are some things that haven't changed. He still doesn't have a car, and with his job, he has no clue when he'll be able to afford one. I'm still 12 years older than him, and I want a husband and a family. I still don't think he's ready for all that.

So what does it all mean? I don't know. I think I'll enjoy the moment and not question it...for now.

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I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…