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What a Difference a Year Makes...

I've always believed that revisiting a romantic situation that didn't work was pointless. There's always a reason things don't work out, and for the most part, those reasons don't change.

So why, I ask you, did I find myself at The Baby's house last night?

After our disastrous first date, I didn't really cut him off, but we didn't really hang out again. I would see him around town on occasion, and we'd text every now and then, but nothing major. Then I saw him on Monday, and there was something different about our conversation. He put his arm around me, and it felt good. Then, he was like, "You're looking good. What's up?" Next thing I know, he's asking me to hang out. I was kinda ambivalent, but I didn't rule it out. A few days later, he invited me to "chill" at his house. I probably should've said no, but I didn't. So I went. And I had a good time.

Now what?

It's been a minute since any decent guy paid attention to me -- a year, to be exact. And he was that decent guy. And in the year since we've seen each other, things have definitely changed. He's moved into his own place -- sans roommates -- which is cool. I can see more maturity in him, and he's definitely upgraded his swag. He's also a drummer in a punk rock band.

Meanwhile, I've moved into the underemployed, single, and trying to get my life back in order category. I'm singing again. Taking voice lessons. Got a couple of paid gigs coming up, and I'm really happy about it. I was a music major in school, and it feels good to get back to myself.

Of course, there are some things that haven't changed. He still doesn't have a car, and with his job, he has no clue when he'll be able to afford one. I'm still 12 years older than him, and I want a husband and a family. I still don't think he's ready for all that.

So what does it all mean? I don't know. I think I'll enjoy the moment and not question it...for now.


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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.