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Venting...

I'm supposed to be deep in the throes of entertainment news, but I'm in my feelings this evening and I want to vent.

For one, I am so happy with New Boo that I could scream. He's been on vacation since last week, and I've really enjoyed having him around. He goes back to work tomorrow and while it'll free me up to talk to my mom and my friends, I know I'm going to miss him.

We went to the laundromat today. While we were there washing our clothes, a girl came to the door fussing at her lover. We were both taken aback because her loud, brash tone shattered the calm of the place. We looked at each other like, "Dang...really?" We decided to let the clothes do their thing while we shopped around. As we ambled through the aisles, he said to me, "One thing I've learned since being with you is that it's not necessary to be with someone if you're angry all the time."

In case I haven't stressed this enough, both of us came out of awful situations. He doesn't really talk about it much, but I'm getting more and more out of him. Let's just say that I'm as welcome in his life as he is in mine.

I really don't think my friends understand how happy we are. My mom summed up what I think they're feeling a few weeks ago. We were talking about something, and she said, "You're gonna have to let him see the real you one of these days. You know how you like to hang out and stuff." And don't get me wrong -- I'm the quintessential social butterfly. But since we've found each other, my whole outlook on life has changed. I LOVE being with him, and when I'm with other people, I miss him. It's a mess, I know.

So this is where I am today -- in love and happy about it, but wishing I could share it with my friends. Since I can't, I guess you, dear reader, will have to do.

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I just left the doctor, where we discussed my fibroid. She said it was huge. So huge, in fact, that she couldn't get it all. If there's a need for another surgery, it'll be a hysterectomy.

I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.