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A "Sudden" Slow-Motion Suicide?

"He died suddenly."

That's one of the lines from the obit of The Man Formerly Known as The One. Yes...the guy I dated earlier last year. The guy I left to date New Boo. He passed away Monday night. His sister found him slumped over in their bathroom. The paramedics worked on him for almost an hour, but he was already gone.

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I was completely floored that a 50-year-old man would die. When I thought about our last interactions, I was sad. I wish there was something I could've said that would've turned him around. Alas, I won't get the chance now.

As I told you before, The Man Formerly Known as The One was moody, aloof, and sometimes surly. And from what I'm told, he was like that until the very end.

His brother was the one who broke the news to me with a simple Facebook message that said, "FYI, [The Man Formerly Known as The One] died tonight. No details. No trauma."

Huh?

Note to self -- that is NOT the way to alert someone of a death. Never. And call me crazy if you must, but if there was death, there was DEFINITELY trauma somewhere. Fortunately, I got the story from his sister later.

His brother wrote a moving obituary for his baby brother where he talked about how much he loved him and how he'd be missed. I concur. When TMFKATO was good, he was really good. However, I took issue with the assessment that he died suddenly.

Alcoholism is an ugly, wretched disease that robs a person of everything that matters. And while it may look like TMFKATO's death was sudden, it really wasn't. It was a slow-motion suicide that took years to complete. I know that everyone becomes wonderful in death. I get that. I also know that TMFKATO's family has the kind of prominence that won't allow for anyone to know the real truth of his passing. But I wish he would've said, "He suffered from an illness for several years before he died."

My heart hurts -- not only for his family, but for him. I wish I could've been the salve his heart needed. Maybe if we had worked out, he would've had the strength to get off the bottle. But we didn't, and while I could waste time working out scenarios in my head, I decided not to do that. After all, I wasn't the cause of his drinking, and there was nothing I could say or do that would've stopped the inevitable.

RIP, The Man Formerly Known as The One. I wish you could've found what you were looking for outside of the bottle.

Comments

JB said…
Oh, I am so sorry to hear of this loss. I know that it's not an ordinary loss, but it is a loss, nevertheless. Take good care of yourself.

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Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…