Skip to main content

A "Sudden" Slow-Motion Suicide?

"He died suddenly."

That's one of the lines from the obit of The Man Formerly Known as The One. Yes...the guy I dated earlier last year. The guy I left to date New Boo. He passed away Monday night. His sister found him slumped over in their bathroom. The paramedics worked on him for almost an hour, but he was already gone.

To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. I was completely floored that a 50-year-old man would die. When I thought about our last interactions, I was sad. I wish there was something I could've said that would've turned him around. Alas, I won't get the chance now.

As I told you before, The Man Formerly Known as The One was moody, aloof, and sometimes surly. And from what I'm told, he was like that until the very end.

His brother was the one who broke the news to me with a simple Facebook message that said, "FYI, [The Man Formerly Known as The One] died tonight. No details. No trauma."

Huh?

Note to self -- that is NOT the way to alert someone of a death. Never. And call me crazy if you must, but if there was death, there was DEFINITELY trauma somewhere. Fortunately, I got the story from his sister later.

His brother wrote a moving obituary for his baby brother where he talked about how much he loved him and how he'd be missed. I concur. When TMFKATO was good, he was really good. However, I took issue with the assessment that he died suddenly.

Alcoholism is an ugly, wretched disease that robs a person of everything that matters. And while it may look like TMFKATO's death was sudden, it really wasn't. It was a slow-motion suicide that took years to complete. I know that everyone becomes wonderful in death. I get that. I also know that TMFKATO's family has the kind of prominence that won't allow for anyone to know the real truth of his passing. But I wish he would've said, "He suffered from an illness for several years before he died."

My heart hurts -- not only for his family, but for him. I wish I could've been the salve his heart needed. Maybe if we had worked out, he would've had the strength to get off the bottle. But we didn't, and while I could waste time working out scenarios in my head, I decided not to do that. After all, I wasn't the cause of his drinking, and there was nothing I could say or do that would've stopped the inevitable.

RIP, The Man Formerly Known as The One. I wish you could've found what you were looking for outside of the bottle.

Comments

JB said…
Oh, I am so sorry to hear of this loss. I know that it's not an ordinary loss, but it is a loss, nevertheless. Take good care of yourself.

Popular posts from this blog

A New Possibility?

If you've been reading EFTDOAD for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I haven't really talked about a man. By that, I mean a man of my own. What's really sad is that there hasn't been a man in my life for the entire time I've been writing this blog. I hate that. However, things may be looking up for me. One of my good friends hosts a forum in Los Angeles called " Battle of the Sexes ." This monthly event consists of guys and girls submitting questions anonymously to the moderators, with the answers being discussed in an open forum. It can get quite rowdy, and the discussions are always enlightening. For most of us, it's the first time we've really heard what members of the opposite sex think. I've been attending these Battles for a few months now. Even though I'm not a fan of mindless rhetoric, it's cool to be around some single people who can think and put together coherent sentences. The last couple of times I'v...

Life Matters: My Take on All This Madness

I am vexed beyond words about the situation with the two police officers being shot in Brooklyn. What bothers me is the blatant disregard for life -- on both sides. The man who felt like it was okay to take the lives of two police officers CLEARLY had no disregard for life because he took theirs and his own. And then there are the situations with Eric Garner and Michael Brown. Both situations show a disregard for life. For humanity, really. And it's painful to me that all of these families will have holes in them because someone felt like it was okay to take a life. There was a time in the not-so-distant past when people could fight and disagree -- and everyone went home to fight another day. When did it become okay to kill a person for whatever reason? As quiet as it's kept, by NOT indicting the police officers for killing those guys, it shows that life doesn't really matter. And it's easy to say Black life (and believe me, I do believe that it's open season ...

The Baby...

I heard from The Baby today. The Baby is a young man I met at work. Nice enough guy...he's 29...new to the radio game...and tall and lanky like I like 'em. He showed up at our studios because he was caught in the throes of his format's contract negotiations. When I saw him, I was kinda speechless. Not because he was cute -- he was -- but because I NEVER see other chocolate faces at my job. The conversation we had was one part interesting, one part amusing, but completely charming. Even though my interest in him was purely professional, we exchanged numbers. See, in addition to working as a radio engineer, he also has the inside track to this weekly show I like. For me, that was it. We exchanged a few texts, but nothing major. Then, one day he said that we should hang out. Since I'm always down for an adventure, I accepted. We ended up spending the day at the beach. We had a good time, but there were some definite red flags for me... For one, he didn't tip ...