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Handwriting. On the Wall. The End.

The handwriting is on the wall. I see it, and while it's painful, I have to plan accordingly. I have to protect myself and try not to become bitter.

New Boo is falling out of love with me. He can deny it if he wants to, but I see it. He can't hide his disgust and disdain with me, and there's nothing I can do to make it better because I don't know where it all went wrong.

When he left for work this morning, he didn't even let me watch him walk out. He scurried out to get to the job he hates even more than me. And I knew, in that instant, that our situation is over. I cried so hard. My homegirl did her best to convince me that I was overreacting. Maybe. But now I know for sure he doesn't want to be with me.

I went to the city with my homegirl and then I went to work. Usually when I'm in the city with him, he wants to meet me so we can go home together. We did that, but on the way home, we were talking about walking. He likes to do it, but I'm not a fan. That's when he said, "That's why I don't like waiting for you." Basically, if he gets off the train and the bus isn't there, he doesn't mind walking home. I'm not like that, so now he doesn't want to wait for me. He's never said that to me. 

I could take all this as the newness of us is wearing off. And if it is, I know it's the beginning of the end because he likes new and interesting. Now I'm just old hat...and he doesn't love me anymore.

The killer part? I don't think he'll leave me because he won't have anywhere else to go. So he'll stay here, fall out of love with me, and just string me along. Well, that's not quite true. He won't string me along -- he'll just not be bothered with me altogether.

My heart hurts because I've invested so much of my love into this relationship. My heart is sore because I see the end coming. He doesn't want to marry me. He doesn't want to be with me. And he can say whatever he wants, I see him. 

I honestly hope I'm just being paranoid. But I'm probably not. I know what my heart feels...


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So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.