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Handwriting. On the Wall. The End.

The handwriting is on the wall. I see it, and while it's painful, I have to plan accordingly. I have to protect myself and try not to become bitter.

New Boo is falling out of love with me. He can deny it if he wants to, but I see it. He can't hide his disgust and disdain with me, and there's nothing I can do to make it better because I don't know where it all went wrong.

When he left for work this morning, he didn't even let me watch him walk out. He scurried out to get to the job he hates even more than me. And I knew, in that instant, that our situation is over. I cried so hard. My homegirl did her best to convince me that I was overreacting. Maybe. But now I know for sure he doesn't want to be with me.

I went to the city with my homegirl and then I went to work. Usually when I'm in the city with him, he wants to meet me so we can go home together. We did that, but on the way home, we were talking about walking. He likes to do it, but I'm not a fan. That's when he said, "That's why I don't like waiting for you." Basically, if he gets off the train and the bus isn't there, he doesn't mind walking home. I'm not like that, so now he doesn't want to wait for me. He's never said that to me. 

I could take all this as the newness of us is wearing off. And if it is, I know it's the beginning of the end because he likes new and interesting. Now I'm just old hat...and he doesn't love me anymore.

The killer part? I don't think he'll leave me because he won't have anywhere else to go. So he'll stay here, fall out of love with me, and just string me along. Well, that's not quite true. He won't string me along -- he'll just not be bothered with me altogether.

My heart hurts because I've invested so much of my love into this relationship. My heart is sore because I see the end coming. He doesn't want to marry me. He doesn't want to be with me. And he can say whatever he wants, I see him. 

I honestly hope I'm just being paranoid. But I'm probably not. I know what my heart feels...


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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…