There are so many times when I question myself. Today is one of those days.
I actually had a great day. I worked overtime to make a great paleo meal -- chicken spaghetti. Even though I have to write tonight, I took time out to make this healthy meal because I'm trying to commit to laying aside this weight. And it came out good -- much better than I thought it would. I was proud of myself.
The plan had been to go to an industry event tomorrow with a couple of friends. While I'm kinda over it, my friends were excited to go. I was excited for them, and I knew I'd have fun.
So why was the party tonight instead of tomorrow?
To be clear, I'm known to be forgetful. I get things wrong all the time. But this time, I made sure I asked. Twice. And I was told that the party was Thursday. So why did I get a periscope notification from the party? When I asked my friend about it, she was sick because she's one of the few people who seem to be on my side. She didn't know I didn't know.
Here's the deal -- I've been in this game for well over 20 years. I'm way over a lot of it and have been for awhile. But when you think about the fact that I haven't earned enough respect to get basic invitations, it's sickening.
And what's worse is that NO ONE understands. I called one of my best friends to talk about it, and I feel worse now that before because -- through no fault of his own -- he basically trivialized the situation.
I realize that this issue is small in the grand scheme of life. And I am trying not to feel some kinda way, but I'm feeling some kinda way. What is the point?
I guess I just want to matter sometimes.
I actually had a great day. I worked overtime to make a great paleo meal -- chicken spaghetti. Even though I have to write tonight, I took time out to make this healthy meal because I'm trying to commit to laying aside this weight. And it came out good -- much better than I thought it would. I was proud of myself.
The plan had been to go to an industry event tomorrow with a couple of friends. While I'm kinda over it, my friends were excited to go. I was excited for them, and I knew I'd have fun.
So why was the party tonight instead of tomorrow?
To be clear, I'm known to be forgetful. I get things wrong all the time. But this time, I made sure I asked. Twice. And I was told that the party was Thursday. So why did I get a periscope notification from the party? When I asked my friend about it, she was sick because she's one of the few people who seem to be on my side. She didn't know I didn't know.
Here's the deal -- I've been in this game for well over 20 years. I'm way over a lot of it and have been for awhile. But when you think about the fact that I haven't earned enough respect to get basic invitations, it's sickening.
And what's worse is that NO ONE understands. I called one of my best friends to talk about it, and I feel worse now that before because -- through no fault of his own -- he basically trivialized the situation.
I realize that this issue is small in the grand scheme of life. And I am trying not to feel some kinda way, but I'm feeling some kinda way. What is the point?
I guess I just want to matter sometimes.
Comments
When I first found your blog, I read it as if it were a novel. You are a good writer. I don't know anything about your career, but if you're writing, you should have lots of confidence. I know it doesn't always work that way, but I hope you can sit with that for a while and feel the glow.