Skip to main content

In Pursuit of Simplicity

I sometimes wish for a simpler time. Back when there were no bills, no credit reports, no jobs. A time when I could escape within the pages of a book for hours.

Our parents would live forever and we were safe in our neighborhoods. The only thing we worried about was whether we were gonna get caught doing something we weren't supposed to do.

How I long for those days now.

I'm supposed to see New Boo tonight. I know I shouldn't, but he asked and I want to. My friends don't want me to go, and I know it would break My Teddy Bear's heart. But I want to know what he could possibly have to say after all this time.

Basically, my heart needs to see if its made the right decision taking up with MTB. And I hate that I feel this way.

Even though I spent the last year putting myself back together, there's still a bit of my heart that's holding out hope. There's still a part of me that wants to be with the man who orchestrated the worst heartbreak of my life.

What the hell is wrong with me?

My friends say I'm a glutton for punishment. I think they might be right.

There's still time for me to change my mind. But if I don't, I know I will forever wonder what could've been.

Ugh...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

On Barack, the Nomination, and Black Love

I'm so excited about Barack Obama! I know I'm just joining the teeming millions when I say that, but I think something this big is worth repeating. Never before in the history of our country has a Black man been in a position to lead the free world, and it feels good. I'm so glad that I've lived long enough to see this day.

Beside the fact that Barack is a great candidate for the Democratic party, I'm moved by his relationship with Michelle. Not since The Cosby Show have we seen a successful Black couple who have a genuine and sincere love and respect for one another. What makes their relationship so special is that it's real -- not the product of someone's imagination.

I obviously don't know Michelle Obama, but I want to grow up to be just like her. I love the fact that she doesn't NEED Barack. She's strong, smart, and successful in her own right, yet secure enough to fall back and be supportive of her man. That's something that all y…

In My Feelings...Again

There are times when I think I should change the name of this blog. Today I do NOT feel like a diva. I feel like a pitiful mess of a woman who's completely in my feelings.

I hate it when I get here.

I was minding my business last night when Juice hit me up. (Remind me to tell you about him later.) He wanted to hang out because we'd actually said we would. But he's he's only after one thing and I wasn't inspired enough to venture out to deal with him, so I told him I was in for the evening.

At the same time, New Boo asked me if I'd done my hair.

Let's be clear. My hair in and of itself isn't necessarily that big a deal. However, him asking me about it could indicate that I was on his mind and that he cared about me in more than a horizontal way. That would be awesome...but I know it's not true. Even though I engaged in conversation with him -- because that's what I do -- it was painful.

I am lonely. I want to be with someone who cares about me. I…

Yeah...About That...

I'm watching Scandal, and Mellie was talking about how lonely it is to be the president. She spoke about how men have a problem with regular powerful women, but being the leader of the free world comes with a chastity belt.
I get it.
I'm nowhere near the leader of the free world. I'm not even the leader of free lunch, but I get it. If men perceive you to have one more drop of power than they do, they can't handle it.
This is my life. At least it is when it comes to the men I've known.
It's not even like that for me.
I don't even have enough juice to get what I want at work.
But yet I'm seen as intimidating. 
Yeah...right.