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The (Real) Final Straw

So...I thought I had gone through just about every emotion I could with New Boo. I've got a new one now -- complete and utter disgust.

One of my good friends is in town. She was one of the few people who got to meet him when we lived together. So we were catching up, and I was telling her about My Teddy Bear. I described him as being New Boo's polar opposite. She said, "Oh, so he's got home training, he's respectable, and he doesn't try to hit on your friends when you go to the bathroom."

Huh?

She said, "I didn't mention it at the time because we'd all been drinking, and I wasn't exactly sure how to handle it. Besides, I knew y'all wouldn't be together long." And she was right. That happened in March and we were done by June.

Of all the dirty, sneaky, underhanded actions he took, this was the lowest. Up until then, he'd just been someone who didn't work out. Now I know him for the lowlife dog he really is.

I blocked his number for real this time -- and I'm not looking back. He can rot in the pit of Hell for all I care.

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I want babies. I want to be someone's mother. I also want to be someone's wife before I become someone's mother. And therein lies my dilemma.

It would be stupid for me to have a baby with My Teddy Bear. That's the reality of my life right now. But it would be even stupider to have a child with New Boo. Not only does he not want any more babies, he does't take care of the ones he already has. I would be an absolute idiot to attempt procreation with him. And as quiet as it's kept, I'm not interested in raising a child alone. I want my baby to have a mother AND a father.

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My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.