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Earning It

I told you that My Teddy Bear had spent the entire summer trying to convince me that there were other ways to be intimate and that I was "wrong" to want sex all the time. Ultimately his problem was low testosterone.

When he told me, I was a little upset. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" He was like, "I didn't know how."

This is the same man who told me that trust was "earned and not given," and he asked me for the opportunity to "earn my trust." After all this time, I realized that he didn't trust me.

Now true -- I didn't ask to earn it, but I can't believe that he doesn't know that I'm trustworthy. I try my best to be as good to him as I know how to be. In spite of the fact that he doesn't give me Vitamin D on a regular basis, I'm always here for him and by happenstance, I didn't cheat on him.

(I know he doesn't know about the latter, but that's not the point.)

The point is that he's grossly underestimated me as a person. Yes, I've been upset about the way this thing has been going down, but guess what -- I'm still his girlfriend. I'm not going to make him feel bad about a condition he's going through. I needed to know so that I wouldn't be feeling some kinda way about myself.

When I told him that, he said it made him feel bad. Guess what? You have to feel bad for doing something totally asinine and evil. There's just no way around it.

And this, too, is a part of love. When you love someone, you have to understand who and what they are in every setting. It's easy to feel loved when everything is going well. But it's when your life is raggedly and hanging in the balance that you really get to know who's on your side and on your team.

He's proven that he's on my team. I didn't realize that I hadn't done that for him.

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The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…