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Nothing By Chance...

Has it ever occurred to you
That nothing occurs to God?
He knows the end from the beginning.
And you'll never catch Him off-guard.
There's no need to be dismayed.
Our God is already made a way.

- Brian Courtney Wilson, "Nothing Occurs to God"

That's been the sum total of my thoughts this week. Inasmuch as I'm completely baffled by what's going on around me, I know that He knows. And THAT makes all of this bearable.

And what's been going on lately? Let's see...
  • I was supposed to have surgery to treat my painful periods. It was postponed...because my period started.
  • My boyfriend finally revealed to me that his testosterone is low. He's spent the entire summer trying to convince me that sex isn't the only way to be intimate and that I was wrong to want it.
  • My boss is a petty trick that makes me want to slap her in the mouth. Hypothetically, of course. 
When this song came into my life, I just broke down and cried. I realized -- yet again -- that I'm not in this alone and whatever is happening is for a reason. And as much as I'd like to know what it is, the point is that He knows, He cares, and He has a plan for me. Now I've just got to get on-board.

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Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.