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In the Mood to Share...

I wrote this back in July, but I wasn't ready to bare this much of my soul. However, I've changed my mind. Enjoy!

No matter how I try to deny it, there's a part of me that wants to be loved by someone. Actually, not just someone. By my Mr. Perfect. I know who he is, but he has no clue about me.

He called today. Told me I had crossed his mind. I'd like to believe his thoughts wandered to me when he heard a love song. In my perfect world, his memories of laughs we'd shared and talks we'd had would induce a pang of longing in his heart.

Unfortunately, I don't rate that way with him, and it's painful to know that. All he remembers is the sex. Don't get me wrong -- it was VERY good sex -- but I want him to remember the intimacy we shared. I want him to feel what I felt when I was in his arms. When he held me, I caught a glimpse of what my life could be like.

Sometimes I think I want too much. But why shouldn't I want to be loved, cared for, and adored? I may not be perfect, but I deserve to get what I'm willing to give. And I deserve it from someone who makes my heart skip a beat.

I'd love to be able to tell him all that, but I don't. Why should I when he's in New York and I'm in Los Angeles? And honestly, I don't have time to be rejected. And so I close my eyes and wonder when my time will come.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.