Skip to main content

In the Mood to Share...

I wrote this back in July, but I wasn't ready to bare this much of my soul. However, I've changed my mind. Enjoy!

No matter how I try to deny it, there's a part of me that wants to be loved by someone. Actually, not just someone. By my Mr. Perfect. I know who he is, but he has no clue about me.

He called today. Told me I had crossed his mind. I'd like to believe his thoughts wandered to me when he heard a love song. In my perfect world, his memories of laughs we'd shared and talks we'd had would induce a pang of longing in his heart.

Unfortunately, I don't rate that way with him, and it's painful to know that. All he remembers is the sex. Don't get me wrong -- it was VERY good sex -- but I want him to remember the intimacy we shared. I want him to feel what I felt when I was in his arms. When he held me, I caught a glimpse of what my life could be like.

Sometimes I think I want too much. But why shouldn't I want to be loved, cared for, and adored? I may not be perfect, but I deserve to get what I'm willing to give. And I deserve it from someone who makes my heart skip a beat.

I'd love to be able to tell him all that, but I don't. Why should I when he's in New York and I'm in Los Angeles? And honestly, I don't have time to be rejected. And so I close my eyes and wonder when my time will come.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He's Gone...For Real

My uncle died. He actually ceased to live. I don't know how to handle this. Even though he was my mother's brother, he was so much more than that to me. He was the coolest cat on the block, He set the standard that every man had to meet. He was the one I compared every man in my life to. For all intents and purposes, he was my de facto dad. I am stunned. I feel like someone knocked the wind out of my body. I grew up watching him. If he sat up straight, I wanted to sit up straight. I once caught him standing up to pee. I thought I'd do that when I grew up, too. (You can just imagine that conversation). That's the thing...he never shied away from my craziness. When I discovered what a father was -- at the tender age of five -- I purposed in my heart to find one for myself. I asked every man I knew, including him, if they'd be my daddy. He said, "I can't be your dad. I'm your uncle." When I pressed, he gently explained that he already had a significan...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Own My Tears

I own my tears. I used this as a hashtag on a Facebook post. I was talking about the movie, "The Fault in Our Stars." If you've seen it, you know what I mean, and I won't spoil it for you. Of course, you know me -- it's deeper than that. I need to say it out loud... I own my tears. New Boo meant the world to me. He really did. Our relationship meant the world to me. It really, really did. And now it's over and he's gone -- seemingly for good. That makes me cry more than I want to, and more than I have ever imagined I would. And while I hate it, I need to do this. I need to mourn this thing in its entirety because it has truly changed my life. I own my tears. I own the fact that I am hurt. I own the fact that I'm mourning a relationship that I wanted to work more than life itself. I wanted to be a part of a couple, and eventually a family. That may well happen for me one day. Today, though, it doesn't look likely. So yes, I cry. And you ...
1 comment
Read more

The Five Commandments of Houseguests

It's Sunday night, and I just put one of my girlfriends on the plane. She's a great person, but this weekend wore on me like none other. In her defense, she's in mourning. Her husband just died in September, and she's learning how to live again. They had been together since high school and now he's gone. That being said...there was NO excuse for the way she acted this weekend. Please understand...I'm not perfect. Never have been. And now that I'm 40, I don't feel the need to apologize for it. But NO ONE gets to make me feel inferior in MY house. Absolutely not! My house wasn't exactly in tip-top shape. I work two jobs, sing in the church choir, and try to work out with my trainer twice a week. So my house wasn't really ready for her. Then I realized that my mind wasn't ready for her, either. Even when we were in school, she wasn't the friend I could hang out with every day. More than that, she came with the very mentality th...
5 comments
Read more