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Who am I Fooling?

I wish I could say I was strong enough not to be moved by a man. Unfortunately, I can't. Yet again, I am in a state of emotional limbo after speaking to Mr. Perfect.

This time, I'm the one to blame. After telling one of my girlfriends about MP, I called him this evening because I wanted to hear his voice. Thanks to the three-hour time difference, I caught him in bed. Even though I offered to let him get his rest, he said he'd get up to talk to me. Mistake number one.

Mistake number two began as we talked about some situations at work. One of the things I've always loved about MP is that we're in the same industry and we can talk about our careers. It's all about having a man relate to me vertically instead of just horizontally.

The final faux pas occurred when I told him that I'd be in his city in a couple of months. I had been debating with myself on whether or not I'd let him know I was coming. All that faded when I heard his sleepy little voice. His response was, "That's good news. I can't wait to see you."

So what, exactly happened tonight? I realized that this man owns a part of me that I don't have the power to keep away from him. Even though I know he's not ready for the kind of relationship I want, I am absolutely powerless to stop my heart from imagining the possibilities. And when he told me that I could always call him, no matter the time, I fell for him all over again.


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Just thinking ab…


So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.