Excerpts from the Diary of a Diva

We've finally come to the end of 2008. If you're like me, I'm sure the year has gone by quicker than you thought it would. In fact, I'm actually pretty shocked at how fast we've come to this day. Looking back, this has been one of the most prolific years of my life. Here are a few notables: 1. Granny died. I never thought I'd face a year without her. I miss her terribly, but I know she's in a better place and that I'll see her again. 2. I moved -- twice! For the most part, I'm a pretty stable girl. Since I hate moving with a passion, I usually stay wherever I am. I lived in my Dallas apartment for three years, and my New York apartment for six. The fact that I've only been in Los Angeles 23 months and have already had three different apartments says something about this place. 3. I've been celibate all year. Since deciding that love -- or at least a very strong like -- would be a prerequisite for spending any kind of naked time, I've n...

I’m so glad that I decided not to spend my Christmas alone. Normally, when I don’t go home, I stay in my apartment trying not to cry while celebrations go on all around me. This year, however, I was determined not to be depressed – especially since I already knew that the potential for depression was great. I chose to spend Christmas Eve at the home of one of my new friends. It was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. In addition, I went to another friend’s house for Christmas dinner. Again, I don’t think I could’ve done better. Now I understand why it’s so important to spend time with friends and family. It makes the crazy days seem not so bad. In spite of being in a city I’m not fond of with people I don’t really know, I’m really happy about the way this day went. Hope your holiday was as wonderful as mine…

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, but there's very little joy for me. With all the deaths I've seen this year -- two since Thanksgiving alone -- I'm really not in the mood to be festive. My current job situation has caused me to put my love of giving on hold. I want to be excited, but I'm not. I'm trying not to miss Granny, but I do. Actually, I thought I was doing pretty good. I know that she's gone, and even though I don't like it, I'm coming to grips with it. This evening, however, I was reminded of my loss as I spoke to a friend of mine. She was telling me about this crazy message her mother left on her phone. Even though the matter ended up being minor, her mother made it sound like it was completely urgent. It reminded me of the time Granny left this message for me -- "Baby, this is Granny. Your mother is missing." Let's just say Granny had a flair for the dramatic. I was giggling along with my friend when I said, ...

There's a line in the movie Spanglish in which the lead character -- a Mexican immigrant who works as a servant for a suburban white family -- asks her young daughter if what she wants out of life is to become something so much different than her mother. That's the sum total of my thoughts after attending my cousin's memorial service yesterday. My grandmother was born in rural East Texas in 1911. Her father was a preacher, and I never knew what her mother did. They owned a peanut farm -- which was almost unheard of for Black people -- and had 12 children. The two oldest children died before the other ten were born, and everything was cool. Unfortunately, the good times didn't last, and by the time my grandmother was 13, both of her parents were dead. The kids got separated, and Granny and Aunt Mabel ended up being raised by her father's sister and her husband. I'm not really sure what kind of conditions she dealt with as far as poverty and stuff, but I know th...

For some people, the idea of being in a relationship is wonderful. After years of dating, the thought of being committed to a someone makes them absolutely giddy. There was a time in the not-so-distant past that I thought I was one of the those people. So why am I having an absolute fit now that the possibility is presenting itself? Let me explain. For the past few weeks, I've been entertaining Mr. Wright. I say entertaining because there's really not too much dating you can do when you're bi-coastal. He's been talking about how much he loves me, how he can't live without me, and how he wants to spend his life with me. Since I really don't believe him, it's okay. Basically, I've been basking in the attention. (Call me crazy, but boredom will cause you to do a lot of things.) However, he changed the game last night when he told me that he was going to tell his children about us. Again, I don't really believe him, but he took it a step further when he ...

What does family mean to you? For some of us, a family is a group of people connected by biology. However, as we grow older, shared DNA takes a back seat to shared experiences. The people we love may look like us, but it’s more common for them to be like us in temperament, beliefs, and the like. While families may not always agree with each other, they always disagree in love. I’m sharing this with you because, yet again, I have lost a member of my biological family. This time, the Grim Reaper claimed my cousin, the child of my mother’s brother. He was 47-years-old – the same age as my mother’s sister when she passed away in 1986. I knew him, but I hadn’t actually seen him since I was 13. I wish I could say I was hurt, but I can’t. Thanks to distance and indifference, we barely knew each other. Even though he and I share a grandmother, he and his brothers and sister didn’t bother to acknowledge Granny’s life or death. That hurt me more than this does. Despite these feelings, I will att...

As some of you know, I'm currently working with children. I teach radio broadcasting to kids between the ages of ten and 17 at a Boys & Girls Club in Los Angeles. Even though my job can get nerve-racking at times, I enjoy the moments of clarity in their eyes. Lately, however, work hasn't been a joy. About two months ago, a pipe burst in the bathroom next to my second-floor studio. Since it happened on the weekend, it went on long enough to flood out the basement. Even though the water didn't make it into my room, the fumes generated from the flood have rendered the building uninhabitable for the next three months. That means that I have to work in other areas of the club. Please understand, working with children is an entirely new experience for me. I'm learning to like it, but it has to be on my terms. I never have over three kids at time when we're on the air. During auditions, the maximum number of kids I've had is nine. Now that my room is off-limits, I...

Even though I don't have a steady man in my life right now -- outside of Jesus, that is -- there are several men that have come through lately. Normally, I just entertain them for the moment and keep it moving. However, as evidenced by previous posts, two of them really got to me. Mr. Perfect always does because he's, well, perfect; and Mr. Wright because his games have been quite inviting. However...I'm back now. I recently celebrated my 38th birthday, and after reflecting on the current state of MackDiva, I realize that while I want male companionship, I'm not able or willing to sacrifice my dignity to have it. No matter how much I want Mr. Perfect to love me, he does not. It's not a bad thing -- it's just the truth. He likes me, he likes the things we do when we're together, but at the end of the day, that's it. And I have to stop wanting more from him because it's not gonna happen. As for Mr. Wright, let's just say that there's always a r...