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Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, but there's very little joy for me. With all the deaths I've seen this year -- two since Thanksgiving alone -- I'm really not in the mood to be festive. My current job situation has caused me to put my love of giving on hold. I want to be excited, but I'm not. I'm trying not to miss Granny, but I do.

Actually, I thought I was doing pretty good. I know that she's gone, and even though I don't like it, I'm coming to grips with it. This evening, however, I was reminded of my loss as I spoke to a friend of mine. She was telling me about this crazy message her mother left on her phone. Even though the matter ended up being minor, her mother made it sound like it was completely urgent. It reminded me of the time Granny left this message for me -- "Baby, this is Granny. Your mother is missing." Let's just say Granny had a flair for the dramatic.

I was giggling along with my friend when I said, "Man, I should've saved that message." That's when it hit me that I'd never get a crazy message from my grandmother again. That really made me sad. I sucked it up for my friend -- why impose my misery on someone else -- but it still hurt inside.

It's just Christmas Eve, and I'm hoping that this will be the extent of my sadness. After all, I still have my health, my strength, my good friends, and my family. Honestly, I have absolutely no reason to complain. Stay tuned...

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I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…