I've been trying to figure out why I was so willing to believe the line of jive that Mr. Wright was putting down. I'm an educated woman who's lived all across the country by myself, yet I listened to a man I already know isn't capable of either telling the truth or loving anyone but himself. If anyone else had told me that they were going through what I was going through, I would've called them crazy. Yet there I was, willing myself to believe something my heart knew couldn't possibly be true. What in the world is wrong with me?
After turning the thought over and over in my mind -- and watching a back episode of Private Practice -- I've come the conclusion that I just don't want to end up alone. When I was growing up, my grandmother was friends with Ms. May. Ms. May went to our church and lived on our street. Unlike Granny, who'd raised five children, Ms. May didn't have any kids. As they got older, Granny had us to come visit her, and Ms. May had no one. She died alone.
I always said I wanted to get married and children so I wouldn't die alone. Unfortunately, at this point in my life, potential husbands aren't busting down doors to get to me. Also, I'm facing the very real possibility that kids may not be in the cards for me. I guess I wanted to believe that Mr. Wright was really on the up-and-up so I could be that wife and possibly that mother who would have a house full of children and people to drown out the sound of my thoughts.
Am I saying that I'll never get there? Not by a long-shot. Yes, Mr. Wright is history, but I'm still optimistic for the future. And that's all I have to say about that...
*Look out for the inauguration post, coming soon*
After turning the thought over and over in my mind -- and watching a back episode of Private Practice -- I've come the conclusion that I just don't want to end up alone. When I was growing up, my grandmother was friends with Ms. May. Ms. May went to our church and lived on our street. Unlike Granny, who'd raised five children, Ms. May didn't have any kids. As they got older, Granny had us to come visit her, and Ms. May had no one. She died alone.
I always said I wanted to get married and children so I wouldn't die alone. Unfortunately, at this point in my life, potential husbands aren't busting down doors to get to me. Also, I'm facing the very real possibility that kids may not be in the cards for me. I guess I wanted to believe that Mr. Wright was really on the up-and-up so I could be that wife and possibly that mother who would have a house full of children and people to drown out the sound of my thoughts.
Am I saying that I'll never get there? Not by a long-shot. Yes, Mr. Wright is history, but I'm still optimistic for the future. And that's all I have to say about that...
*Look out for the inauguration post, coming soon*
Comments
Glad to see you writing again. This was a heart felt post. I liked it. I don't like what you're going through. I liked the writing.
AB