Skip to main content

The Final Word on Mr. Wright

I've been trying to figure out why I was so willing to believe the line of jive that Mr. Wright was putting down. I'm an educated woman who's lived all across the country by myself, yet I listened to a man I already know isn't capable of either telling the truth or loving anyone but himself. If anyone else had told me that they were going through what I was going through, I would've called them crazy. Yet there I was, willing myself to believe something my heart knew couldn't possibly be true. What in the world is wrong with me?

After turning the thought over and over in my mind -- and watching a back episode of Private Practice -- I've come the conclusion that I just don't want to end up alone. When I was growing up, my grandmother was friends with Ms. May. Ms. May went to our church and lived on our street. Unlike Granny, who'd raised five children, Ms. May didn't have any kids. As they got older, Granny had us to come visit her, and Ms. May had no one. She died alone.

I always said I wanted to get married and children so I wouldn't die alone. Unfortunately, at this point in my life, potential husbands aren't busting down doors to get to me. Also, I'm facing the very real possibility that kids may not be in the cards for me. I guess I wanted to believe that Mr. Wright was really on the up-and-up so I could be that wife and possibly that mother who would have a house full of children and people to drown out the sound of my thoughts.

Am I saying that I'll never get there? Not by a long-shot. Yes, Mr. Wright is history, but I'm still optimistic for the future. And that's all I have to say about that...

*Look out for the inauguration post, coming soon*

Comments

Angie-Nuvision said…
Once you get back on your feet, you should consider adoption. I'm going to do that if I don't have any babies by 40. Ain't no way I'm gon' die alone. So, if I can't get the babies to pop out of me, then I'll go grab me somebody else's. That way, get love. And I can give the child a chance to be loved. It's a beautiful exchange.
Glad to see you writing again. This was a heart felt post. I liked it. I don't like what you're going through. I liked the writing.
AB

Popular posts from this blog

My Personal Superhero

My Teddy Bear continues to prove that he loves me in ways I never thought about.

As I told you before, I've been dealing with health issues. It's not pretty at all. I won't go into details, but let's just say that it's messy and leaves me weak sometimes. Weaker than I'd ever want to admit, actually.

Anyway, a friend of mine was coming to visit and I was trying to get my house ready. I managed to clean my bedroom and the bathroom before MTB came over. All I had to do was get the living room and kitchen together. But my body wasn't cooperating at all. I was in so much pain that I laid it down.

I woke up the next morning in a complete mess from my issue. After I got up to clean myself up, he says to me, "Go lay down. I'm gonna finish up for you." I wanted to argue, but I couldn't because I was in too much pain.

That man cleaned my apartment. All of it. Swept AND mopped my floors and did all my dishes. And did it with a smile.

Just thinking ab…

Now What?

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I am having issues right now.

First of all, I'm realizing some things about myself that I really don't like admitting. For one, I am NOT satisfied with My Teddy Bear. Why, you ask? Because sex isn't a priority with him.

Some people drink. Some smoke. I like to have sex. It quiets the voices in my head that talk crazy to me. For those brief, shining moments, I get to be the best of me. I'm beautiful, sexy, and desirable. No matter how fat I am, in that moment I'm able to make someone else feel good. That makes me feel good. Also,  I know how to relate on that level, so everything that I perceive to be wrong with me goes out the window.

MTB doesn't know this. Even though I've always felt this way, I don't talk about it. Most of the guys I know actually want sex. They probably use it the way I do -- as a feel-good situation.

Things with New Boo weren't like that. We had a real connection. Or at least I thought we…

The End

Dear New Boo,

I knew that tonight would be a pivotal moment in our history, and you did not disappoint. No matter what I thought before this evening, you addressed everything I needed clarification on. Thank you for that.
I had all kinds of fanciful thoughts in my mind about what this evening would be. I took every scenario I could and played it out to its end. Each and every one of them. And when I got to the one that actually happened, I thought to myself, surely he won't let this happen. Surely he cares more than that. If he reached out, surely he'll follow through.
But no...not you. You did what you always do. You stood me up, and you let me down. Again. 
I shouldn't be surprised. In fact, I'm not. No matter how much faith I try to put in you, you constantly prove that you don't deserve it. No matter how much I try to see the good in you, you always manage to bring the worst to the forefront. And if my feelings are hurt, it's my fault for trying.
You don…