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Some Kinda Feeling

I'm feeling some kinda way, but I can't put my finger on it.

Michael Jackson is dead, and a part of my childhood died, too...but that's not it. He wasn't my cousin, and I'll get over it.

I'm thinking of Granny more. She, too, was an integral part of my childhood -- my life, even -- and Michael's death makes Granny's just a little fresher.

Plus, I recently had a conversation with my favorite uncle. I always love talking to him, but because he lived with Granny and took care of her, I'm reminded again that Granny is gone when I speak to him.

When does the pain of the loss go away? You can move on and get past it, but it seems to catch up with you when you least expect it.

Add to the mix that my life is in turmoil right now because, ladies and gentlemen, I have to move again. For those of you keeping score, this will make the third move in less than three years. And since I haven't been able to find a gig to supplement my meager pittance from my part-time gig, I don't have the money to find a place. Therefore, I'm going to have to move in with Mr. Wonderful until I can secure said employment.

I have never wanted to live with a man -- at least not without the benefit of marriage. While I love Mr. Wonderful, I'm nowhere near wanting to commit my life to him. Plus, I wasn't raised to live with a man like that.

All of which brings me back to my original thought...

I'm feeling some kinda way, and I can't put my finger on it. However, I know I don't like it. I'll keep you posted.

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Just thinking ab…

Update

So...I finally unburdened myself to New Boo. I told him that I wasn't built for sneaking around and random treks down the primrose path to sin & degradation.

As expected, he told me, "I thought you wanted just to chill." Then he added -- almost as a smackdown, in my opinion -- "I'm not looking for any relationship. And you're the one who involved me."

He's right. I did. And now I can finally UN-involve him.

I'm not angry. I have no right to be. But I AM finally able to get a bit of closure. And maybe NOW I can move on.

Now the question of my life is...will I be moving on with My Teddy Bear, or on my own?

PS: I think the onset of my period caused me to be in my feelings.